Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of new year’s resolutions. It’s that time of year where many people think about their intentions for the next year. But are making new year’s resolutions actually worth the effort?
Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of new year’s resolutions. It’s that time of year where many people think about their intentions for the next year. But are making new year’s resolutions actually worth the effort?
Main Topics
00:00 Introduction
01:19 Running The Numbers Segment
05:24 The Psychology Behind Resolutions
08:40 Social Pressures
11:50 Goal Setting and Reflection
15:31 Balancing Goals vs Realistic Expectations
26:44 Sacrifices for Change
28:23 Specific and Achievable Resolutions
42:09 Adapting to Life's Circumstances
45:35 20 Cents Segment
References for Statistics
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/01/29/new-years-resolutions-who-makes-them-and-why/
https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/new-years-resolutions-statistics/
Lizzy: According to the internet-
Lissa: To the internet.
Lizzy: ... a New Yours resolution... I said yours.
Lissa: Sorry. Go.
Lizzy: According to the internet, a New Year's resolution is a promise to yourself to do something good or stop doing something bad in the new year. Seems pretty straightforward, but our New Year's resolution's actually worth it. Let's talk about it.
Lissa: Welcome to Net Net with Lizzy and Lissa where we analyze hidden costs and empower you to make your own damn decisions in life. Each episode covers a different facet of life, and at the end of each episode, we each give our takes on whether we think something is net positive or net negative.
Lizzy: I'm Lizzy, a strategist and consultant with almost 20 years of experience in finance and investing.
Lissa: And I'm Lissa, a personal finance expert and accredited financial counselor. We're best friends who talk about money...
Lizzy: And everything else.
Lissa: Are New Year's resolutions worth it?
Lizzy: First up, running the numbers on New Year's resolutions.
Lissa: According to Pew Research Center, nearly half of adults ages 18 to 29 say that they've made at least one resolution this year, which is, by far, the largest share of any group. So young people making resolutions-
Lizzy: And then you just give up. Okay. For other age groups, about a third of people, aged 30 to 49, say they made a resolution, while only about a fifth of adults, 50 and older, have done so.
Lissa: Yeah, basically-
Lizzy: So for real. Yeah. You're like, "I'm done with this."
Lissa: Across all age groups, 79% of people who do make New Year's resolutions say that their resolutions are health-related and 61% are related to money and finances. I like to hear that.
Lizzy: Yeah, let's go. All right. A survey of 1,000 people from Forbes Health and OnePoll showed that 62% of people felt pressured to set a New Year's resolution.
Lissa: Yeah, I can feel that. This survey also found that the average resolution lasts just 3.74 months, so you don't even make it to April.
Lizzy: Yeah. I'm not even that surprised about that, to be honest with you.
Lissa: Yeah. Well, we know there's more to life than numbers, so let's talk about it. New Year's is coming up right around the corner... What? Next week?
Lizzy: Next week.
Lissa: All right. Obviously, we're pre-recording this, I had to think about when this episode's going to drop to make it seem like it's next week.
Lizzy: New Year's is right around the corner.
Lissa: New Year's is right around the corner. 2025 is right around the corner.
Lizzy: So let's talk about it.
Lissa: You making New Year's resolutions?
Lizzy: I don't really make New Year's resolutions. I do set goals, but they don't necessarily align with New Year's or I don't think of them in that same way.
Lissa: So you've never used January 1st as a time to officially start something new?
Lizzy: I'm sure I have, but definitely not in recent years, or if I have, I've approached it differently. So just for some background, I host a lot of goal-setting events. I've been doing this for years. And now, Lissa and I will do it together, sometimes with other friends, and often we'll do one in January or late December, but it's also something we do in June or we check it in on a few times a year and it's not an arbitrary goal. It's a reflection, manifestation, coming up with plans, there's a lot more to it, and then implementation of that. So I don't really think of it the same way.
Lissa: Yeah. Well, it was interesting to me to see the definition being... Because I always just associate New Year's resolution with a goal, but I guess it's specifically to start doing something good or to stop doing something bad.
Lizzy: What else would there be? To do something or to not do something?
Lissa: No, but I guess when you're setting goals, it's like you have a thing in mind, almost a finish line that you want to get to, whereas-
Lizzy: Oh, got it.
Lissa: Whereas you're building-
Lizzy: This is more of an action than an outcome.
Lissa: Yeah, an action or a habit or an outcome or... I don't know.
Lizzy: I think that's just the definition, because people will be like, "I'm going to lose 50 pounds."
Lissa: Oh, true, true, true.
Lizzy: Or, "I'm going to quit smoking."
Lissa: Right. So it can be a mix of actually having a end goal or the steps it's going to take together, like, "I'm going to go to the gym twice a week every week."
Lizzy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's a mix.
Lissa: Okay.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: Okay. All right. I mean, I never really stopped to think about the definition until we decided to do this episode and I'm like, "Wait, do I actually know what a resolution is?"
Lizzy: The way I think about it, and I think the common perception is that around the end of the year, there's a lot of emotions going on, good, bad, we've talked about this on our holidays episode. Lots of feels. And there's this idea of a fresh start, and so lots of people get this mindset that like, "I'm going to turn everything around." And so I associate resolutions with people who maybe aren't necessarily that proactive with goals otherwise, taking on something really big and committing to it without necessarily taking all of the steps in either planning or mindset to see that goal through. It doesn't apply to everyone, but I think that's the most common connotation.
Lissa: Got it. I guess, in the past, I would not have been that surprised... No, no. Opposite. In the past, I would have been surprised to see that statistic of so many people who feel pressured to do resolutions because it was just always a thing that I think, I don't know, maybe that I did and that my family did, and we just talked about. At Christmas, people would ask like, "What's your New Year's resolution?" And I didn't feel pressure about anything. I would just have to think of something to say, to say like, "Oh, yeah, I'm going to try this," or, "I'm going to start doing this or stop doing that." And I never felt like it was pressure. So I'm surprised to see now that statistic be so high that people feel pressure around it.
Lizzy: I wonder if it's social pressure or if it's personal pressure, reflection on dissatisfaction or areas they need to improve. I can only recall feeling that way maybe once or twice. I remember probably sometime in the past year or two, we did one of our little sessions with a few friends and I remember feeling like there's nothing specific I want to change in that I don't want to take on more. I'm already doing plenty of things that I'm in the midst of. I don't feel like I'm in this season right now of needing a new goal or a new way to improve. So it was more about consistency and maintaining, but in that environment, I was like, "Well, fuck, should I be... And it wasn't a big pressure because I was more content with myself, but I can understand that feeling of like, "I've already got plenty going on. I don't need to add a whole other thing into this."
Lissa: But don't you feel that that's a resolution to... Because you're telling yourself, "All right, Liz, stop taking stuff on. Look out for yourself first," that's a resolution in my book, but you just don't want to label it that or call it that?
Lizzy: Well, it wasn't really stop taking stuff on. It was I'm good, but we had this moment to get together and do reflection, and I was like, "I don't have new goals." But I didn't have to make a goal to not have new goals. I just didn't have them. It was just a fact.
Lissa: Yeah. But that's why I'm saying, I guess all the time, making some life change official and calling it a New Year's resolution is literally just a label. I think we're constantly doing that all the time, but this January 1st reset is what gets a lot of people motivated to do something if they haven't for a while or if it's something they've been putting off and really want to improve in their lives. So I guess I was-
Lizzy: Yeah, I don't think that applied in my case, because it wasn't anything new. I was already not setting new goals and we just happened to get together during that time. So I don't think that applies, but I get what you're saying and I think there's a lot of good things to having that. Like we've talked about on our holidays episode, there's, to me, some important symbolism and having specific days, having a starting point for something. I fully buy into that. And so I don't think there's anything wrong with the concept of using the first of the year, a clean slate to start something new or have that additional boost of motivation. I think that's great. And delineating a start and a finish.
Lissa: Right. But on the flip side, you mentioned for someone to feel pressure and the reason for that being something individualized, maybe internal to them, that I could see as a bad thing because it's this constant feeling that you're either not where you want to be, you're not content, you don't have enough yet. And I think it's balanced, I don't think one way or the other, but could you make the argument that New Year's resolutions could be negative?
Lizzy: Yeah, I could. I think there's something psychological about waiting for January 1st to change your whole life. I find this balance of if I'm going to start a new fitness program, I'm probably going to start it on a Monday. That's just the way I operate. Right? Now, for me, mostly that's a start to a week, but it's also I'll use a Sunday to prepare. I think there's something to that, having a clean, fresh start. But a lot of people will say like, "Okay, if you're going to quit smoking on January 1st, why aren't you quitting smoking today? Why give yourself another two weeks? Do you really want it that bad?" Right?
So I think there's something psychologically to that that it can be seen almost like a magical day where, "This new year, everything is going to change for me. New year, new me." And unless that is followed up or preceded by the mental preparation to meet those goals or make those changes, I think it cannot be set up for success, and then it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy of, "I never actually fulfill my New Year's resolutions, so why do I try," or, "I can't do this."
Lissa: Yeah. So, similar to that, I think I like that you mentioned the starting on a Monday thing because I think this whole idea on January 1st to change something to improve your life in some way, that's one time that it happens. I think around someone's birthday is a lot of times when that happens too, whether it's before the birthday, I want to get on a routine to get in shape or whatever, eat better, so that on my birthday, I'm feeling good-
Lizzy: 100%.
Lissa: Or hit your birthday and like, "All right. This year, I'm going to do things different. I'm going to do this." And so I think all I'm trying to say is I think it doesn't have to be January 1st New Year's resolutions, but I think there is that psychology behind a specific date that is important to people.
Lizzy: Yeah, milestones. I'm doing one right now, preceding my birthday, my 36th birthday coming up, and I'm doing a 30-day challenge for health and wellness and there's a bunch of different components. But, yeah, I'm all about that and I think there's important milestones. There's just a lot of social connotation to January 1st that isn't necessarily bad, but I think it brings a lot of people into the fold that aren't actively doing that year round.
And like I said, they can say, "Okay, I didn't set any goals this year, but I'm going to totally change my life," and maybe bite off more than they can chew, like, "I'm going to lose 20 pounds, and I'm going to save 50,000, and quit smoking, and do all of these things. My whole life is going to change January 1st." And that's just not a sustainable habit or a sustainable approach to goal setting. There's a lot of psychology and inner work that goes into reaching a goal. So I'm not saying the resolution itself is wrong, I think it just lends itself to people taking a haphazard approach, which then leads to the belief that people don't fulfill the resolutions.
Lissa: And falling off.
Lizzy: Yeah, falling off.
Lissa: So 3.7, four months into the year, on average, people stop-
Lizzy: Honestly, that actually surprises me. Because everyone that goes to the gym regularly knows the phenomenon of January 1st, the gym is packed. And there's no way it takes three and three-quarter months for that to fall off. It's three weeks and it falls off and it gets... And it's a weird thing as a gym-goer, because you're frustrated that there's so many people in your gym, but the reality is you should be excited for people to be there taking their health seriously. It's a double-edged sword.
Lissa: Yeah. That's funny that you said because I was like, "What... So I can't think of a lot of negatives I would say to the New Year's resolution for anyone on an individual level. But then that's funny because that's a tiny, small one, because majority of people make this health goal and a lot of that does tie to the gym. I think we should have looked up statistics on gym companies because I'm sure their revenue is up in January-
Lizzy: Yeah, significantly.
Lissa: Yeah, significantly up in January. And then it probably stays-
Lizzy: Falls off.
Lissa: It falls off, but I think people forget to cancel their gym membership or they sign commitments-
Lizzy: For sure.
Lissa: ... and so it's good for the gym, not great for the wallets of the people who make the commitment and don't follow through, because then you're just paying for something that you're not even using.
Lizzy: And I think it can become this shame cycle, which is the hard thing with any goal. Right? All of us are trying to grow for the most part and improve and be better people. And these are hard things to do, to change habits and to level up in our lives in all these different ways. And so sometimes whether you set an attainable goal or not, sometimes it's just not going to happen. Right? I've set goals many times where I feel really good about it, my mind is just not there, or I have too much going on or whatever excuse, or whatever. It just doesn't happen. The problem is then you have reminders of it. So every time you see that payment, you're like, "Oh, fuck. I didn't fulfill this." And then it can, if you don't have a healthy mindset around it, contribute to some shame and that another part of that is a social cost. Right? So sometimes people get really excited, "I'm going to do this," tell everyone, "This is my resolution-
Lissa: Post about it.
Lizzy: Post about it, "New year, new me," blah, blah, blah, blah. And then life happens, they fall off, whatever, and then they're reminded of that if someone asks how their goals are going or whatever.
Lissa: Yeah, and it feels embarrassing.
Lizzy: Yeah, it's embarrassing. You feel a little bit of shame. And so it's just another element to doing it if you're not really in the right space.
Lissa: Yeah. That just made me think of something a little related, but off-topic, but I feel like most people... And there's no science backing this, I'm just saying this. I feel like most people fall into one of two buckets, one where they are so overly critical of themselves, they're already achieving all those goals and living a great life or whatever and still don't feel like they're doing enough. And then... Okay, there's not just two buckets. And then the other extreme, the other bucket is people, like you said, who either don't try because they don't think they can do it or maybe they'll try, and then they'll fail or not succeed in their particular goal, and then feel shame about it, and then just don't try again.
Lizzy: Yeah, and it's a cycle.
Lissa: It's a cycle.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: Okay. It's not just two buckets. There's obviously people in the middle. There's a spectrum.
Lizzy: For sure.
Lissa: But I do think it's very interesting to see what types of people around me are always talking about their goals or new year's resolutions or posting about things like that. And then the people who don't, who just watch everyone else seemingly growing and achieving all these things when it's not really the case. It's a very curated view of everyone.
Lizzy: Right. Yeah, because I was going to say it can be both. There's some people who will talk about their goals and not do them, but they'll talk about it, and there's other people who will talk about it and really do it. And you don't always know. And then some people who are really doing shit and don't say a word.
Lissa: Yeah. I feel like that's me lately in the last couple of years.
Lizzy: Yeah, you're not talking about... I'm going to talk about it personally. Because, for me, the act of talking about it is motivating. I don't know really why it's a psychological thing, not because I think people are going to know, and then they're going to ask me or are going to hold me to it. It just feels good for me to make something known.
Lissa: Yeah, which is interesting to think about. I think first and foremost, I just feel like I don't have time right now, but I think there is an element of... I don't want to say shame. Something is holding me back from sharing my progress on things. I've been in this whole home-selling process this whole year, and I don't think anyone but my close friends know about it. I'm planning a wedding for next year and I rarely post any pictures about it or updates on it. I feel weird. I don't know how I became like this. I never used to be like this-
Lizzy: I know. You became way more closed in over the past few years.
Lissa: Which is actually interesting because now I fully understand people who are totally private, they don't even like to be on social media or have accounts. And then I totally understand people who post every time they sneeze and they'll show [inaudible 00:19:51] and I don't judge either side. I feel like I can understand both sides because I've been both sides, but in relation to goals and achieving things, I can understand the feeling of wanting to hide or do things in silence or also wanting to share it because that motivates you.
Lizzy: For sure. For sure. Yeah.
Lissa: I'm not really saying anything ever, but that there's no one right way.
Lizzy: Absolutely.
Lissa: It's like whatever motivates you and gets you to do it. I think what bothers me if I have a complaint-
Lizzy: Pet peeve?
Lissa: Pet peeve is when let's say someone likes to move in silence and make a million dollars and not talk about it until they make that million, and then they're talking shit or judging other people who are sharing all their updates with the world. I'm like-
Lizzy: Yeah, I agree.
Lissa: I hate that. It's just like, "Do what you're going to do and-
Lizzy: I completely agree. Yeah. It's funny because that was making me think I'm very vocal about what I have going on in my life just in general. I am pretty open. I've gone through phases, but in general, I am. And I get a lot of positive response to that. And I'm sure there's people who hate on that or it makes them feel bad if I'm sharing, "I'm doing this," or, "I'm doing that." And to me, I'm like, "I am just as open about the fucking failures and the challenges I go through, the depression, the breakups, I'm really transparent about all of it." So it doesn't bother me so much when someone's going to hate on me. I'm like, "You could hate on my success, but I'm also fucking up and I'm going to tell you about it."
Lissa: Yeah. Yeah.
Lizzy: It's more for me, but it is also encouraging to know and get feedback that it's inspiring or helpful to people. So that definitely doesn't hurt.
Lissa: It is just a classic to each their own.
Lizzy: Yeah. For sure.
Lissa: So you don't really set New Year's resolutions then, right?
Lizzy: Yeah, I don't think of them that way at all.
Lissa: So you can't think of any in the past that you might've-
Lizzy: I'm sure I have. I don't know. Yeah, something related to-
Lissa: Health?
Lizzy: Health, probably. Yeah. I mean, I've definitely set goals in the beginning of the year, but in all areas of my life and a little more holistic or accompanied by a plan. And then at the end of the year or multiple points in the year, I'd go back and check in on my progress on that.
Lissa: I mean, obviously I know, but is this a yearly process that's the same every year or do you switch it up?
Lizzy: Yeah, it's a little bit different. So I led a workshop maybe 2018 on goal setting, and so I did a lot of education into the psychology of goal setting, and the different techniques, and stuff like that. So we can put it in the show notes. I have a packet on goal setting-
Lissa: Oh, you still have it? Yeah.
Lizzy: Yeah. And so I've used that a bunch of times. I led a workshop on it, and then I iterated on it. It was more, I guess, academic, and then I started to incorporate a little bit more... This isn't the right word, but spirituality or an energetic approach to it. And other times, and sometimes it's just informal and whatever feels right, so there's usually some element of reflection on whatever period of time. Reflection on the past year, everything that happened, write down everything you can think of.
Lissa: What's the benefit of that?
Lizzy: So for me, it's usually that there's so much that happened that I can't even remember it in the moment, right? I'm like... Sure, you remember the big stuff. A new job or a birth of baby or whatever, but like, "Oh, that concert. Oh, I saw that person," and I will get my phone out and look at my pictures, I'll look at my calendar, what is everything I can think of that happened in my health, in my social life, in career, finance, everything. And it gives me a lot of perspective of like, "Wow." One, I'm grateful for a lot. I had a lot of joy this year or I had a lot of hard times, and it reminds me of how much we navigate in a year because it's easy to be like, "I didn't do this," or, "I didn't do that," and then it's like, "Well, yeah." And if you don't mind me using you, you've been transparent about this. Yeah, you're navigating a long distance relationship, and putting your house up for sale, and building a business, and getting your CFA-
Lissa: IVF.
Lizzy: And IVF. And you've got 12 individual challenging things going on at once. So maybe this one thing didn't get there-
Lissa: Perspective.
Lizzy: Perspective. It's a lot of perspective. It's some gratitude, it's some grace. And then you can see clearly like, "Okay, I actually put a lot more emphasis on this thing," or, "This is what happened naturally," or, "Here's all the things out of my control." And so that's the first part. And then I like to... Sometimes I'll do themes. What's an intention or what are my values or themes I want to focus on. Sometimes I'll just do different areas of life like financial, social, love or whatever, and what do I want to focus on. And the last time we did, I think we wrote down all of the things in those areas, and then narrowed it down and just picked some.
Because the challenge is you're like, "Oh, there's 50 things that I want to improve." And that's just not realistic and you don't have to do that. And often by just doing a couple of them, the other areas are going to improve too. And so then I'll focus in and sometimes it's a very specific goal as in measurable, quantitative, and sometimes it's more of a practice, which is what you alluded to in the very beginning, is it about the outcome or is it about the process? Is it, "I want to do this every day," and build a practice of repeatedly doing this consistently, or is it, "I want to reach this end goal"? And mine are usually more about the practice lately.
Lissa: Which I think it can be both. I think a lot of times, to get the end goal, you do need a practice to get there.
Lizzy: Yes.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Yeah, agreed. Completely agree. I think it's more of a motivational difference and everyone is different. Sometimes, for some people, that end number or whatever, is really motivating. I find, for me, that doesn't work that well. It's more being motivated by doing something, but either way, you have to take steps. And so then that's the next part is like, "What actions I going to take? What do I have to give up?" That's one of the most important things. I was having a conversation with a friend recently. They wanted to make a big change in their life. Are you willing to sacrifice the things you need to sacrifice to make this change? What are you willing to give up to make this true? Does it mean less time with your friends? Does it mean having new friends? Is it not eating sweets? Is it changing your habits? I think that's another thing people don't dig into enough and really examine like, "Am I really ready for this?"
Lissa: Yeah. But I do think as part of that, I'm glad you mentioned the whole reflection thing, because I think a big part of setting New Year's resolutions is forward-looking like, "I want to change this," or, "I want to do this, I want this to happen." And maybe there's a little bit of looking backwards as to why, but I don't think it goes deep enough. I think doing more reflection as to why you want to make this your resolution or change and what hasn't worked in the past and what has, how important is it to you, how does it stack up against everything else you got going on, I think all those factors play a role in the likelihood of you seeing it through and not just like, "Oh, let me get to the end of the year and do it the whole year," but having something become so commonplace in your life that it's just the norm. It's a practice that you've built the habit on and it benefits your life and quality of life, which makes me think of some of my resolutions that led to that.
Lizzy: Really?
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Okay. Like what?
Lissa: Silly resolutions. Two that I might've mentioned on the pod before, but there was one year where I decided as a New Year's resolution that I was only going to buy-
Lizzy: Right. Fine jewelry.
Lissa: ... fine jewelry, and not fashion jewelry, which sounds silly because the second most resolution that people make are around money, and I think that's around saving and investing more. And mine was like, "Okay, I might spend more." But behind that decision was a lot of frustration I had with buying so many items, so many material goods, so many, I guess, cheaper quality jewelry that I had a bigger collection, so I could go out multiple times in a month and always have different jewelry to wear, a variety. But the trade-off was they didn't last. Two, three years later, they'd be all rusty. And-
Lizzy: If even that long.
Lissa: If even that and I couldn't wear it. And so that conscious decision that I really value things that are going to last longer, and quality over quantity when it came to that specific thing, jewelry, it became something that I was mindful of. And it carried on... This was at least five, six years ago. But it's carried on through today as just a general habit and practice and something I value and I know why I value it and it's how I make day-to-day decisions. So I don't know, I guess it started as a resolution, but it-
Lizzy: I love that example. I'm not saying all resolutions or goals have to follow this, but I love how specific it is. And it's seemingly small, it's probably not something that affects your day-to-day in the sense that you're thinking about or making those decisions that often, but it's just a framework for how you're going to operate in this specific situation. And I think more of those that are very, very specific could be easier to implement. I read one the other day that someone's resolution was to eat more burritos and it was just-
Lissa: On the surface, that sounds bad. That can't be great.
Lizzy: It sounds silly, but then it's like, "Oh, burritos probably bring this person a lot of joy and they realize they're maybe not making enough choices to get those." So maybe in a situation where it comes up, "I'm going to choose the burrito."
Lissa: Right.
Lizzy: It's very simple, very achievable. Another one, this is a simple, very practical one, maybe a little bit more like a habit or... I'm not good at this all the time. But at one point, I was like, "I'm going to always drink water before I drink coffee every morning." And that's a very simple, every time you're about to [inaudible 00:31:18], "No, let me drink some water first." I practice it most of the time. And that's pretty manageable. It's an either/or or a more binary thing that can just be a part of your operating system. I think those can be a little more manageable.
Lissa: Yeah. Well, this is not manageable, but in the same vein as the fine jewelry thing or the not buying fashion jewelry was there was another year where I was like, "All right. Starting this year, when I fly, I'm going to fly in an upgraded class." If that means paying more for a premium or business class or first class, or if it means I'm going to really make an effort to earn miles and all this stuff. And it sounds silly because it sounds like all I want is a luxury life. But when I really thought about it, it was about comfort. It was like I truly value comfort. And not only that, I come from a background like my family and culture where a lot of people would question that like, "Why would you spend five times the flight cost for what? We can use that to buy things, material things." And then it made me realize how much I was raised on the importance of material things. One's not better than the other. And that comes from survival mode for my family-
Lizzy: For sure.
Lissa: ... but material things are important to me. But it was also me rebelling a little bit and saying that experiences, and... I need the word, what's the vocabulary word? Non-material?
Lizzy: Intangible?
Lissa: Intangible. Intangible things are also important to me like comfort or experiences or things like that. And so while this one's not something I do 100% of the time because it's not more important than my budget and my financial security, but it's something that's just part of my life now. It was something I decided to change.
Lizzy: Right. And it's part of your operating system like, "If I can afford it... It's if-thens. "If I can do this, I will do that." And I think having some rules of engagement for yourself are really powerful because, one, they require that you know yourself well and you know what's important to you. And what I love that you said about that is that you realize you value comfort. And I think a thing, to your point, you hit it spot on when you said the deeper investigation is missing a lot of times, why do I want this? What are my expectations that my life or my happiness or whatever will change if I achieve this? Is this even aligned with my values?
And we've done that with each other sometimes because in this exercise when we do or I'll do with other friends, we share. And that's an important part of saying it out loud to someone else, especially someone who knows you really well and can echo back to you and be a mirror to say like, "I know you think you want that. Is that really aligned with your values or where your life is right now?" And that requires knowing what your values are and the prioritization of them. Right? So it might be valuing comfort. It might be valuing financial prudence or spontaneity or whatever, health. Right? And then I think that begs even a larger question of how is my whole life in alignment with my values? And ideally, one of these goals or resolutions is to help put your life in further alignment with your values, even if it's just one small step.
Lissa: Yeah. All right. Now it's all making sense why, the very beginning, you're like, you don't do resolutions, I'm like, "Well, Liz, you are always growing and finding ways to grow," or even like you said, there was that one time we did a goal setting exercise and you're like, "No, I don't want to take anything else on," but it's making sense now, is because whatever we perceive New Year's resolutions to be as this like, "All right, this set date where we can all try to do something in our lives to improve our lives. But most of us fall off in a couple of months," as opposed to that, it's more like, "All right, on a deeper level, what do I value? How can I reflect on that? And then how can I think about the steps I need to put in motion to do that?"
Lizzy: Yeah. Exactly. And I think I think of goal setting or growth or these exercises as this very holistic, ongoing, lifelong practice.
Lissa: Yeah. This is just life.
Lizzy: This is just what I do. This is a part of who I am and part of my life-
Lissa: But that's a growth mindset.
Lizzy: It is. It's not something I just casually throw out for January 1st. And that isn't a judgment on people who do that, it's just that's not how I perceive it and how I think of it. I think of, "This is just how I am and how I exist in the world. I set goals all the time."
Lissa: Yeah. Well, now you just made me think of there have been a couple times... Not a couple times. A lot of times in life where not related to New Year's and New Year's resolutions, I just decided to do a challenge to my friends, because I love gamifying things. So one example, I want to say it was during the pandemic... Maybe it was in the lead up to my birthday, I can't remember if that one was one.
Lizzy: You've done a couple.
Lissa: I've done a couple. But let's just make one up right now. So for example, let's say it was my 33rd birthday. So in the 33 days leading up to my 33rd birthday, I challenged everyone to get 33 minutes of physical activity or stretching or meditating or something like that in their life. And then I had a leaderboard and people had to self-report if they did it or not. And so to me, even though I use things like that to motivate myself and to motivate my friends, but I think it's more the community aspect where I've had a lot of friends, I think including you, who have said like, "Yeah, I did your challenge. It was fun," and that's what sparked me to go off and do something else on my own.
Lizzy: I was just going to say, you did one birthday challenge that honestly sparked probably my entire personal development journey.
Lissa: Me? Just kidding.
Lizzy: It was circumstantial too. So I want to say this was 2015. It was leading up to your birthday, which is in June, always. And I had just gone through a divorce. I was in a new place in my life where I was reexamining who I am. And you did this challenge. There were a couple different ways to win the challenge, but one of them was weight loss, losing pounds. And at the time, I was playing basketball every day. I was super fit... I was super active, I should say. I wasn't super fit. I was super active and I was like, "Well, I want to do this challenge. So I know that if I want to lose weight, my activity's already high, I'm going to have to be really, really diligent about my diet."
And so I did. I learned how to eat healthy, how to eat clean, how to meal prep, and all this stuff, and ended up getting really fucking fit for years and years and years. But it was the practice of that, I'd never really had that before where there was such a direct correlation between I control my food, I see results. And playing sports, or I started to get into lifting really intensely for the first time, I hadn't seen that direct of a correlation and it transformed my mind, like, "I can do this and this will happen, and I can reach a goal by controlling the process." Getting-in-shape fitness was the spark for every other goal I've ever set since then, which changed my entire life. And it started with your challenge.
Lissa: I mean, I've heard that from a couple of people and it was always meant to be fun, but obviously that's a huge win if it sparked something else. I think I remember that one. So I never made a challenge where I made everyone lose weight. I think that one had an option. It was like, "Pick option A, if your goal is to lose weight, and do A, B and C. Option B, if you want to eat better, do this, this, and this. Option C, if you want to be more active, then do this, this or this," and then pick your focus.
Lizzy: Right. Yeah. And I picked the weight loss because I was like, "Well, that's I think more of what I wasn't already doing." It was more of the challenge for me. But, yeah, you always give an option.
Lissa: Yeah. Which I will say to tie it back to New Year's resolutions, I will say there probably is that benefit of even though everyone has their own separate resolutions, the community around it and checking in-
Lizzy: Accountability.
Lissa: Yeah, while there might be the potential shame if you fall off, but the accountability and motivation to do it if the people around you are doing it, I think is-
Lizzy: Completely agree. And I want to make a distinction between some casual observer being like, "Oh, how'd that go?" And that may make you feel shamed or maybe they have a comment and someone who's navigating the journey alongside you is very different dynamic. I'm all for accountability partners. That's a big theme in my life that I value in friends or in a romantic partner, in family, like, "What can we achieve together? Let's figure it out." That's something we share. We set goals and keep each other accountable all the time.
Lissa: How did I forget? Was it last year that it was... I think it was on the onset of a new year that I was like, "I want to hike more this year," so I started a hike club.
Lizzy: Yeah, you did?
Lissa: Yeah. It's called Jellystone Hike Club. And I want to start it back up, but it was once a week every week-
Lizzy: Usually Saturdays.
Lissa: Yeah. Because there's so many places to hike in Los Angeles, so I would pick a location, say the difficulty level, "Here's the time I'm going. Anyone who wants to come, come." And then it was a-
Lizzy: It was a success.
Lissa: Yeah. It was a fun way to do something active that was free and-
Lizzy: It didn't revolve around food or alcohol. Those were your big goals for it, if I remember correctly. It was active, it was free, and it didn't revolve around calories.
Lissa: I wanted to socialize more.
Lizzy: And socialize. Yeah.
Lissa: I felt like the year before, I hadn't done a lot of socializing. I was saying no a lot to things to save money and to not drink and stuff. And I'm like, "Well, what can I do to socialize that can do the opposite effect?"
Lizzy: Yeah. One other thing that I'll say, because we're reflecting on goals that we've set, I think the end of this past year, so let's say end of 2023 or maybe it was January of this year, we did one of these exercises. And we actually took out the papers that we had from the prior year with our goals written down. And I'll be very transparent, my goals for 2023 were get pregnant-
Lissa: But it didn't happen.
Lizzy: ... and all of this stuff around relationships. And instead, I was not pregnant and I was single. And I share that to say that's not a failure. Sometimes you can have the best intentions and life happens, and then you move forward, you figure out, "What am I going to do next?" And it's important to reflect on those things, reconcile them, and then move forward. "What do I want now?" So there is value in the failures or not meeting your goals as well. It doesn't have to be a thing that's shameful. It can be just a part of the process.
Lissa: Yeah. No, really good call-out. Because I remember doing a goal setting exercise, maybe it was with you, and part of it was fitness-related or to lose weight, and I was well on my way. It had become such a part of my life. My fitness was great, my diet was great. And then that was the year I got hit by a car. And, yeah, [inaudible 00:43:38] me as a pedestrian getting hit by a car. So it just threw my whole life off the rest of the year. That was four months at the end of the year, didn't hit the goal that I wanted. And I think I was hard on myself for a little bit because I was like, "Damn, I was so close. I was going to get back to my 22-year-old weight," or whatever it was, I was so close. And then I think you had to remind me that like, "Okay. And you got hit by a vehicle and life went a different direction," and so it's not on me, it's on circumstance. And sometimes it's just on the circumstances.
Lizzy: Or even... That reminded me that, same last year, I had very specific health and fitness goals, and then I, in reflection, realized I had 90 days straight with a migraine. It's pretty hard to work out intensely when you're navigating a health challenge like that. And even right now, I have my own challenge for myself, and I came in today to record this and I said, "I've had a migraine for the past eight days." And sometimes there's other things. Right? It's one thing to be fit or to lose weight. It's another thing to be healthy. And prioritizing health can be more important than what we think we really need. So it's sometimes good to get that perspective.
Lissa: Yeah. Maybe we should do a YouTube live or something where we go through our goal setting-
Lizzy: Yeah, I'm down.
Lissa: ... process, because I feel like that would be great for a lot of people.
Lizzy: Yeah, for sure.
Lissa: Yeah, starting to do that with you these last couple of years has been so great because it's all tied to values. We're not just like, "Oh, I want to lose X amount of pounds," or, "I want this amount of money." It's like, "But why?" Why? And why do you want that? And where does that goal from come from?
Lizzy: Where does that fit? Yeah.
Lissa: Where does it fit in your life?
Lizzy: Is now the time for that?
Lissa: Yeah, everything.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: Yeah. All right. Cool.
Lizzy: All right.
Lissa: 20 Cents?
Lizzy: 20 Cents.
Lissa: 20 Cents is the segment of the show where both Lizzy and myself, Lissa, each get 60 seconds to give our two cents on today's topic, whether it is a net positive or a net negative to set New Year's resolutions. Where does 20 Cents come from?
Lizzy: Because you get the opinion of two dimes, y'all.
Lissa: The opinion of two dimes.
Lizzy: One, two. That's us.
Lissa: All right, Liz, you're up first. Why do I think I know the answer? Are New year's resolutions worth it for you? 60 seconds.
Lizzy: All right. I've been pretty direct.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: As I see them and consider them, New Year's resolutions themselves are not worth it. That's based on my perception of them. That said, goal setting, a growth mindset, the progressive ongoing practice of self-improvement, checking in with yourself and setting new goals and a sustainable way to achieve them is beyond worth it. It is a lifestyle that is very, very rewarding. So negative on resolutions-
Lissa: Net negative.
Lizzy: ... net positive on goal setting-
Lissa: With a little asterisk, of course, as always.
Lizzy: Always. Always make it complicated.
Lissa: Right.
Lizzy: All right. What about you, Lissa?
Lissa: Net positive for me. And the reason is, similar to Liz, I do a lot of goal setting. I have very much a growth mindset as well. I think that's what makes us really good friends. But I will say the reason for me that it's net positive and I see nothing wrong with it, and I probably will do it every year, is because I don't have any negative emotion or shame or anything tied to it. It's just another thing. It's a nice starting line for a lot of things. It never has to be anything huge. And I do like the community around it. If it's Christmas and I'm with my family and they're like, "All right, what's your resolution this year?" I like that. And getting to know everyone's resolution, it gives you perspective of where everyone is in their life mindset-wise and otherwise. And so it's just a cool way to connect with people, I'd say. Yeah.
Lizzy: All right. I respect that.
Lissa: So positive for me. Net positive for me, net negative for Liz with the asterisk-
Lizzy: Little qualification.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: She's not anti-goals or anything.
Lizzy: Fuck those goals.
Lissa: But remember, this is what we think right now at this moment in time. No one can make that decision, but you. What do you think? Are New Year's resolutions worth it?
Lizzy: Hit us up. Let us know what you think. Let us know what your resolutions are if you make them. DM us on Instagram, @netnetpodcast, or email us at hi@netnetpodcast.com. And if you want to follow us individually, here's where you can find us.
Lissa: I'm @wealthforwomenofcolor on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram.
Lizzy: And I'm @live_well_lizzy on Instagram and TikTok.
Lissa: All references, statistics, and resources mentioned can be found in our show notes. This podcast is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only, and should not be constituted as financial advice. Remember to always do your own research, consult a professional as needed, and feel empowered to make your own damn decisions.