Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of roommates. Roommates can significantly reduce housing costs, but are they worth it to have? Lizzy and Lissa share their thoughts and experiences with roommates, including the brief time they were roommates with each other.
Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of roommates. Roommates can significantly reduce housing costs, but are they worth it to have? Lizzy and Lissa share their thoughts and experiences with roommates, including the brief time they were roommates with each other.
Main Topics
00:00 Introduction: Are Roommates Worth It?
01:08 Running The Numbers Segment
02:20 Pros and Cons of Living with Roommates
10:10 Roommate Stories
22:27 The House Mother Dilemma
24:42 Craigslist Roommate Stories
28:14 Financial and Social Costs of Roommates
41:27 20 Cents Segment
References for Statistics
https://smartasset.com/data-studies/roommate-savings-2024
https://www.rent.com/research/roommates-pandemic-survey/
https://www.apartmentguide.com/blog/roommate-experiences-explored/
Lizzy: Roommates, flatmates, cohabitants, housemates, whatever you want to call them, they have the potential to significantly reduce your living expenses. But are they worth it? Our roommate's worth it. Let's talk about it.
Lissa: Welcome to Net Net with Lizzy and Lissa, where we analyze hidden costs and empower you to make your own damn decisions in life. Each episode covers a different facet of life. And at the end of each episode, we each give our takes on whether we think something is a good idea. Net positive or net negative.
Lizzy: I'm Lizzy, a strategist and consultant with 17 years of experience in finance and investing. And I'm Lissa, an accredited financial counselor and a personal finance content creator. We're best friends who talk about money and everything else.
Lissa: So are roommates worth it?
Lizzy: Well, first up, let's run the numbers on roommates.
Lissa: According to a 2024 study from Smart Asset, getting a roommate can save you over $1, 865 per month in New York City.
Lizzy: Sheesh. That's a lot of money.
Lissa: That's a lot of money.
Lizzy: That's a, that's a whole rent.
Lissa: Yes. If you live in New York. Yes. It's worth it. The answer
Lizzy: is yes. A Rent. com survey during the pandemic showed 45 percent of people with one roommate were extremely satisfied with the living situation.
Lissa: Yeah, it's almost half. Yeah, it's not bad. In that same survey from Rent. com, 37 percent of people reported cleaning habits to be their biggest pet peeve about their roommates. Oh, hell yeah.
Lizzy: For sure.
Lissa: Yeah. I'm surprised it's not higher, actually.
Lizzy: I know, right? Yeah. Another survey from ApartmentGuide. com showed one in four roommates living with friends negatively impacted their friendship.
Lizzy: One in four. And 36 percent of people who lived with friends said they would never do it again. Ooh.
Lissa: That is some juicy stuff in there. So let's talk about it. Are roommates worth it?
Lizzy: Whew.
Lissa: Alright.
Lizzy: Let's start with like a breakdown. Yeah. What are the, the big pros and cons of living with roommates?
Lissa: Pros.
Lissa: Saving money. Saving money. I will also say as a big one, safety and security, there's always someone there. You forget to lock the door. You forget to turn off your curling iron. Right. You can text someone, call someone. You got backup. Yeah. Hanging out with people.
Lizzy: Sure. Company, right? Even if it's just, uh, you know, Hey, what's up?
Lizzy: How's your day? That's very different. You know, especially working from home or during the pandemic, you You might have gone days at a time without interacting with another human. So, you know, having just another person there. Connection. Yeah. Connection.
Lissa: I, for financial costs, it's actually not just the rent, right?
Lissa: You can also share, obviously utilities, toiletries, things around the house. For sure. So more cost savings. Absolutely. Cost savings. All right. The cons.
Lizzy: The cons.
Lissa: What's top of your list? Well, cleaning habits was in that survey as one of the top reported pet peeves. Like definitely, because if, if it's just you and you keep the place clean and you know you didn't drop something on the floor, like, like you just know that, okay, it's going to stay clean because it's just me and I put things back where they're supposed to be.
Lizzy: Right.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: You have your personal space. It's exactly how you want it at any given time, and I think it goes both ways for people who don't care about cleanliness, I guess. Mm-hmm, , or, you know, they're more chill. They don't have to deal with disappointing the other person or, you know, nagging or whatever.
Lizzy: It's, it just creates tension if you have two different approaches to that kind of thing.
Lissa: Privacy.
Lizzy: Yeah. That's a big one. For sure.
Lissa: Privacy is huge, right? Whether, whether or not you have your own room, because some people even have to share rooms. But even if you had your own room, like the common areas, the shared areas and just walls being so close to each other, you don't always fully have your own privacy.
Lissa: Right.
Lizzy: Like I think in some roommate situations, You don't necessarily feel comfortable bringing friends over, bringing a date over, like as if it were your own space, because you want to be respectful of the common areas and you know, you don't know what that person has going on, or you just can't fully let loose the same way.
Lissa: Yep. Um, depending on how big the place is, just the shared common areas is kind of a con, right? Like you want to cook dinner, but your roommate's in there cooking dinner. So you got to wait or just eat out. I mean, obviously you guys got to communicate and talk and figure it out, but it's still something you wouldn't have to deal with if you didn't have a roommate.
Lizzy: Right. An extra level of consideration and just more freedom. If it's, if it's all you.
Lissa: Yeah. Any other major cons?
Lizzy: I think those are the big ones. Yeah, those are the big ones. Yeah, I think that most things fit into those categories. Right, like the total, you know, independence, ability to have everything the way that I want it, versus having to share kind of all those experiences.
Lissa: Oh, well, another quick one is, You know, like even though you're saving on money and saving on finances, you also have to rely on the other person to pay their rent on time or pay their portions on time and also rely on them to not mess up the place, right? Because security deposit or getting even evicted, like you guys have that shared responsibility.
Lizzy: So I personally haven't had a lot of challenges with that, but I feel like I hear about that all the time from friends. So I think there's this pattern where there's typically one person who's like the adult, adult, the most responsible, or maybe they tend to be the most organized. So whether their name is on the lease or it's a shared lease or they're the owner of the house, like in a house hacking situation, they tend to bear the brunt of the, uh, Work and stress and liability when it comes to those things.
Lizzy: So like, if we're moving, how are we coordinating this? Who's organizing it? Who's making sure we get cleaners in? Who's, Dealing directly with the landlord when we have, you know, Toilets clogged, who's going to hit up the landlord. Yeah. So it's an extra responsibility. Yeah. And then maybe the flip side of that too, is like, okay, let's say you have a two bedroom apartment and there's one, that's like the primary and then with an en suite and then like ones that's not as nice having to kind of have those conversations.
Lizzy: Um, who's got better parking. If there's only one parking space, who gets it, who's paying more navigating those kinds of decisions. can be tricky depending on who you're dealing with.
Lissa: Yeah. Yeah.
Lizzy: What about pets? Does that factor in? I know it's a big thing for you. Yeah.
Lissa: Yeah. Well, so I have two dogs and I have for the last 10 years.
Lissa: So anyone that I've ever lived with had to kind of deal with that in some way, shape or form, because whether it's, the barking or the fur, you know, the big two primary things, whatever it is, like it's another living being and creature in the house. So like, I've always, you know, paid extra, whether that's To a landlord paying an extra pet deposit and pet rent even.
Lissa: Um, but I've also contributed more towards cleaning and getting the house cleaned and things like that.
Lizzy: You're bearing more of that burden because they're your dogs.
Lissa: Yeah. But I don't think everyone with pets does that. Right. Yeah. It's, it's always comes down to the money.
Lizzy: Right. But then the flip side of that for you, at least as a pet owner, you've been fortunate to have roommates who love your pets.
Lissa: Oh, yeah,
Lizzy: they are an extra level of backup with them as well.
Lissa: Oh, yeah Now now that I don't have roommates and just thinking when both Alan and I go out of town What like who's gonna watch them? It was so easy to have like roommates They're willing to do it because they're already home, right?
Lissa: It's just a couple extra tasks to like walk on walk them and feed them Everything else is cool, but now I got to like hire people or it's different. So yeah, pets adds a whole different layer to roommate situations. Allergies. Like I could never live with anyone that had cats because I'm allergic to cats.
Lissa: Um, funny story. Quick story is my, my sisters, two of my sisters, I have three total sisters. Two of them used to live together. And they rented from my brother. It was his condo up in the Bay Area. And between the two of them, they had three cats. But it was great because they were renting from my brother. I don't actually know what they paid.
Lissa: I'm sure they paid a, uh, a family, family discount. And You know, they had pets, everything was cool between the two of them. And, you know, I, I was never going to move in with them, but like, even just visiting, I couldn't visit them because of like allergies. So, and that's when I really learned that I was allergic to cats.
Lissa: So moving forward, I had never actually had a roommate with a cat, but I knew from then on, like I would never be able to, yeah, it's a hard, no, yeah, hard. No. Like I couldn't even function if I had a significant, yeah. Yeah. Damn, okay. Mm hmm. So there's health reasons.
Lizzy: Health reasons, absolutely. And that actually Speaks to kind of other lifestyle habits, right?
Lizzy: So like smoking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed. Um, even like sleep habits can be a thing, right? As one person, a total night owl, they're up. They want to be like, you know, in a common area, the lights are on. Um, that can be challenging depending on, you know, the.
Lissa: Well, it's funny enough, like, if you look back to how many, how many roommates have you had throughout the years?
Lizzy: I think, total, I've had like 15, including partners.
Lissa: Right. Yeah, when I looked back when we were doing research for this episode, I was like, think I looked at about 20 throughout the past 15 years or so. Um, some I've stayed with for like 10 years, right? And then some people were just like a Craigslist roommate for three months or whatever.
Lissa: Um, but throughout all those roommates, how many of them did you kind of pre vet and talk about lifestyle things before moving in?
Lizzy: Zero,
Lissa: right? Like you, you find people because of the financial aspect for the most part, maybe there are those. Big, big, like, things that you look for, right? Like, I can't live with a cat because I'm allergic.
Lissa: But outside of that, you're not talking about lifestyle so much before you move in together.
Lizzy: It was not even a consideration for me. I mean, I, it's funny that our numbers are pretty similar because I feel like you've had way more roommate experiences than I have. But just kind of the way it has stacked up.
Lizzy: I've only been in a couple situations where I didn't already know the roommate going into it. And those were when I was young. So like in my dorm in college, I was assigned to two people. And then, uh, when I first moved to Barcelona in college, We had to go find our own apartment, and I didn't really want to waste time on that.
Lizzy: I'd only been in the city a few weeks, and so I just like picked one. I had this random like 50 year old Argentine man named Guillermo, who was just the two of you, just the two of us. I just like went in, I looked at the place, it was right by the beach, and it was good for me.
Lissa: So, well quick question on that, as a woman, especially in a different country, did you feel scared at all?
Lizzy: I probably should have. I didn't at all. I didn't at all. I was young and like, I mean, I didn't, I ended up living with him for like maybe four months. He was a good man. You know, like, it was just good vibes. It wasn't sketchy at all. Um, but like, I'm looking back, I'm like, how the fuck did my parents allow that?
Lizzy: I was only 19. Right,
Lissa: so he was like twice your age, more than twice your age. More than twice my age. And. Where does he stack against all the roommates you've ever had in terms of lifestyle, planliness, all the things?
Lizzy: So, he was very neat. It was an interesting situation because it was the most where I felt like this wasn't my place.
Lizzy: Partially because I was new to this country. Um, you know, I spoke Spanish, but not natively like he did. I was still learning. This was in Spain? This was in Spain, yeah. Um, so everything was new. And, um, We had this very, very small apartment. And so it wasn't a place where I hung out, like, ever. You know, I was like in my room, but most of the time I was out and about.
Lizzy: So, it was probably the most where I hung out. I didn't feel as comfortable in the common areas, and I just went, like, straight in, straight out, like, click something real quick, but this is not, you know, my own personal space was kind of the vibe.
Lissa: So you never hung out in the living room couch area?
Lizzy: Every once in a while, we'd like, watch a show, you know?
Lizzy: Um, and it was very friendly, he was a very warm person. Um, but, We didn't get to know each other like super deeply. It was we were roommates. Yeah, you know, yeah But I think other situations I've mostly ended up with friends who Maybe I took for granted those things and You know just kind of assumed we have similar lifestyles because we're friends right or with partners who I already knew pretty well Intimately, by the time we moved in together.
Lissa: Well, one in four friendships who become roommates apparently ends up in a negative situation. How does that stack up for you? So, let's say 15 total roommates in your life, that would be about three of them? Ending up negative. Yeah.
Kory: It's story time.
Lissa: Story time. Y'all story, you got a story time.
Lizzy: I got a story to tell
Lissa: worst roommate story,
Lizzy: story to tell.
Lissa: You don't have to name names, but what's the story.
Lizzy: So lissa and I were roommates.
Lissa: Oh, it was, it involves me. Oh
Lizzy: yeah. We were roommates. We were roommates back in the day. Let's say three months. Yeah.
Lissa: Very brief.
Lizzy: My sophomore year of college. I had lived in the dorms my freshman year. That's when I met Lissa. Uh, and.
Lizzy: over summer became really close. All right, a bunch of our friends who we call the house of hoops are going to rent a house rent a house together.
Lissa: Yeah, not an apartment, but we rented a four bedroom house,
Lizzy: four bedroom house.
Lissa: It was small. It wasn't, it's not as big as you think it was. Like, when you say four bedrooms, it
Lissa: was small. It was one story.
Lizzy: So we moved in, I want to say in August, and I didn't know each other that well. You and I
Lizzy: were definitely
Lissa: We all knew each other. We all played basketball together. Yeah, and you had known everyone longer than I had. By longer, probably like two years long. Like a year or two.
Lizzy: Because I'm younger.
Lizzy: So, uh Pretty new for me going into this situation. And other than my dorm, I'd never had roommates before. So we found ourselves in a unique spot because our house was like the hangout spot. Everyone would come kick it. We had, you know, all these different friends. One was a couple, me, you, and then another girlfriend of ours.
Lizzy: Other various people would kind of come and stay over.
Lissa: It was like one of those unlocked door situations where people would come by, come in, hang out.
Lizzy: Everyone would come kick it, play video games, chill, drink, you know, whatever. Yeah. And, uh, our dear friend was dating a guy at the time.
Lissa: Well,
Lissa: rewind what their.
Lissa: our friend started staying over, right? We also were the, the, we all had a bunch of like, guy on the couch situation where people needed a temporary living situation for a week or a month and we had couches. So it was like, all right, stay here for sure. Right. So we, that's how it started.
Lizzy: That's how it started.
Lizzy: Um, and so this one particular person, uh, was staying on the couch and was dating our friend. We were not impressed with how he was treating her. So, the day in question. Me and, uh, my other best friend at the time, uh, she had come over, we were gonna go to the mall. Or Third Street, something like that. And she's a beautiful person, all the guys wanted to be with her, and so this guy, who was dating our friend and sleeping on our couch, and we Started trying to get at her.
Lissa: Trying to get at the other girl.
Lizzy: At the other girl.
Lissa: Like another friend.
Lizzy: Bro, you're dating my friend. You're living here because our other friend who you're dating lives here.
Lissa: Yeah, so why would I hook you up with my other friend?
Lizzy: Trippin So, I called him out. And kind of shut that down real quick. Left. Yeah, left the house for that day.
Lizzy: Left the house to go, you know, continue our plans. Right. Not realizing the chaos that ensued in my wake.
Lissa: And so I would have to continue the story because Liz was not there.
Lizzy: I was not there, so go ahead, proceed.
Lissa: This is as I remember it, okay? It's been, it's been a while. So, after Liz left the house, And she was pissed about, you know, this guy wanting to be hooked up with this other girl.
Lissa: Essentially cheat on our friend. Yeah, essentially cheat. Right in front of us. Um, he started, like, talking shit about Liz when she left the house. And, you know, this is, what, 20, 21 year old me, where I'm like, no, not in my house.
Lizzy: First of all, Lissa's the most loyal friend you could ever have.
Lissa: And I'm the one on the lease, by the way, like this is my actual, I'm the one renting the house and everyone's paying me.
Lissa: I think it was two of us on, on the lease anyway. So I was, I told him he, who was not paying rent that, Hey, don't talk about Liz like that. Right? Like she lives here. She pays rent. You don't. Just don't, don't talk shit about her. Oh, man, that did not go over well. He had tried to enlist, like, the other roommates to be on his side of it, and it became this whole, like, argument mainly between me and him.
Lissa: And what ended up happening was, and he was way taller than me, okay?
Lizzy: He was a large man.
Lissa: I'm 5'2
Lizzy: He was a 6'3
Lissa: No, he's like 6'4 6'4 6'5 yeah. He was
Lissa: way taller than me.
Lizzy: Basketball player, yeah.
Lissa: But at the height of this argument where we're in each other's faces and I'm like, stop talking shit about Liz. You don't even live here.
Lissa: And he's like, I can do whatever I want. Blah, blah, blah. I happen to be like standing on one step. Of the porch or not. We were both standing on the porch and there was one time. It was a tiny step and He got so close into my face. This is a grown ass man like right into my face So I like, you know, like pushed him a tiny bit But because he happened to be like where the step was, he didn't fall on his ass.
Lissa: I mean he like kind of like And then he immediately picked up the house phone. We still had house phones Back then because it was like 2006. Yeah, I was tied to the internet and all that. So he picked up the phone called 9 1 1 on my phone. So I'm like, I unplugged the phone. This is my phone in my house.
Lissa: You're not even like on the lease. Anyway, like The cops came in like 10 minutes. Like they came over and I was like, Oh shit, am I going to get arrested? Because I did like, I pushed him like a tiny bit. I didn't actually push him to where I hurt him, but I was like, get out of my face. And then, so the cops, they came into my room.
Lissa: And they laughed. They were like, wait, like, are you Lissa? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, do you live here? I was like, yeah, like I'm on the lease. And then he, they were like, um, this gentleman said that you put your hands on him. Like is that accurate? And then I described to them exactly what happened.
Lissa: I was like, yeah, technically I touched him, but I didn't like, like I didn't do anything to him. He's not hurt or anything. And I'm like, and then I further explained that. You know, he doesn't live here, doesn't pay rent, he'd been sleeping on the couch for a couple of weeks, and it's my place, and I've Yeah.
Lissa: Right, we got into an argument, and then, so they just laughed, they didn't do anything about it, they were like, he's not pressing charges, but, you know, like, figure, figure out your shit. Right. So, anyway, what happened after that, it just, like, kind of went downhill, but
Lizzy: It became a house divided.
Lissa: It became a house divided.
Lissa: So, there was, like, half of the house, Thought that I shouldn't have touched him and then long story short. It got so messy Liz ended up Yeah, it felt like every time I came home. They were talking shit.
Lissa: Yeah
Lizzy: in my own home.
Lissa: Yeah, so think about left I was like paying rent who's on also like I don't know if you're on the lease or not, but you're paying rent you Wanted your private space you want to be left alone.
Lissa: You didn't feel comfortable in your own home.
Lizzy: Not at all.
Lissa: Yeah
Lizzy: Yeah, it was like a hostile environment.
Lissa: And so you had to leave Which At the time, the financial onus was on me because we had to fill in the room and if we couldn't, we would have to pay, you know, I'd have to pay extra. Luckily, we got another friend to move in.
Lissa: You know, I proceeded to live there for the next, you know, Um, we had our ups and downs. We were young.
Lizzy: We were young.
Lissa: So.
Lizzy: But that continued to affect my friendships with those people forever. Like some of them I was never friends with again, really. And then others there was
Lizzy: always a distance.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lissa: I mean it's interesting because I do think there's phases of life and roommates.
Lissa: Because I'm 37 now, I don't even know my age, I'm 37 and like the most recent roommates I had, great situation. Everybody's helping everyone. Everyone's helping everyone. clean. Everyone's paying their rent on time. They help out with the dogs. We all communicate about who's doing laundry, who's out, right?
Lissa: It's great. Very different from 15 years ago when like house drama, house divided, like, You know, okay. Toilet paper is the other story. For those who are watching the video, we have some toilet paper here. What does this represent? That was the same era.
Lizzy: Same era. Same era. One of, one of the roommates. A different roommate from me.
Lizzy: Different roommate, uh, at that time, kind of took the, the mom role upon herself. House mother. For no reason, house mother. And at the time, like, I was poor, like I was struggling, we were broke. Yeah, I was poor. She was not. She came from money. Yeah. She, you know, tended to do well. So, uh, and mind you, I was 18 at the time.
Lizzy: Yeah, I was 20. Yeah. We were young. So, she would go on these shopping trips and buy all kinds of supplies for the house.
Lissa: Yeah, like Costco, like Costco sized toilet paper and cleaning supplies, trash bags. All kinds of stuff. Stuff that, like, yes, we would need.
Lizzy: But then she would just, like Oh, here's the bill.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Like, what?
Lissa: Like, here's the bill.
Lizzy: I didn't ask you for this.
Lissa: Divided by four people, you owe me 65. And we're like, I don't have 65. Right. And I didn't have a say in the stuff. And she's, her argument was like, well, you're going to use it. Like, we need toilet paper in the bathrooms. And I'm like, yeah, but I'll, you know.
Lizzy: I'll go buy it.
Lissa: Or let us discuss.
Lizzy: Yeah. Or like piecemeal as it's needed. Yeah. And not, you know, one bill all at once.
Lissa: Yeah. Not all of us can buy in bulk.
Lissa: Right. At this, at this stage of our finances.
Lizzy: Come on now. Some considerations.
Lissa: So that was also a unique story, but maybe not so unique. I'm sure other people have that too.
Lissa: Like, unless you're communicating and unless you guys are in the same boat financially and agree on things like that, there's gonna, it's gonna cause some dilemmas.
Lizzy: For sure. I think there are It's often a situation where one person feels like they're doing more of that. Like I'm the one that always takes the trash out, or I'm the one that always replenishes these things because either I think about it or I'm, you know, more responsible or whatever.
Lizzy: And often those go left unsaid. It kind of depends on the personality. I think it's harder when you're friends to vocalize those things. Cause you don't want it to affect the friendship.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: So you have lived mostly with friends, completely with friends.
Lissa: I had a stint of a year or two living by myself.
Lizzy: Right, right. But roommates have, your roommates have always been friends.
Lissa: Oh, in terms of friends. Nope. Nope. I've had Craigslist roommates. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, this was in my Palms days. Palms is a neighborhood in Los Angeles. Oh, yep. Yep. Yep. There was a vacant room. It was a three bedroom place. So me and the other homie, like we lived together for like 10 years, but we would had to, we had to fill this room a couple of times because like people would stay for like six months or whatever.
Lissa: Um, we had a couple of Craigslist roommates. One of them. Like didn't talk to us at all. It was the straight, like, I'm gonna go to my room and I'm going to leave, which is not a bad thing. Like, cool. Common areas are all ours, whatever. It's cool. We're, we're just not friends. Um, the other one, same kind of deal.
Lissa: He mostly kept to himself and didn't hang out with us. And we'd chat occasionally. It was cordial. It was cool. But it didn't last long. It was just like a couple months and then, all right, we had to fill that in. Oh, and one more back into that house of hoops days that are, you know, 15, 16 years ago. We also did, did a Craigslist roommate in that place too.
Lissa: And that one was interesting. He actually hung out with us and tried to become like a group of friends. Oh no, no, no. How am I forgetting? He wasn't a Craigslist person. Me and my, the roommates all went out one night. In Hollywood, like we, it was a night out, drunk, and then He somehow came home with us. Like, he ended up at the house playing video games with us.
Lizzy: You acquired a roommate?
Lissa: We acquired a roommate. And that night, like, we just happened to say like, oh yeah, we, we have a room vacant. And he was like, I'm looking for a spot. So talk about not vetting. We didn't vet him at all. It ended up being like, oh, yeah. Okay, but he did get a little bit weird. Um, I believe he was in the military prior and he had PTSD and he, so he had certain things he was dealing with that us is like 20, 21 year olds didn't really understand.
Lissa: Um, I don't know that it caused any like major drama, but I think. I do remember him like sometimes being to himself and not talking at all, but then sometimes like playing video games till like four in the morning with the other roommates. Right. Right. Yeah. So it is just, just the whole gamut. Like you got to pre vet.
Lissa: I think there has to be more pre vetting of people.
Lizzy: For sure. You have to be deliberate about this. I think from my own experience, like you can take it very casually. At any age you think? Yeah, I think so. I think, um, especially living with friends, I think people. Just give it the benefit of the doubt and don't always consider the ramifications of that.
Lissa: But what kind of questions would you have to ask each other? Because like what if someone doesn't know that they're messy? You know, what if someone doesn't know that, this is my pet peeve, that they throw banana peels in a trash can that doesn't have a lid? That's gonna smell! And there's gonna be flies!
Lissa: It's like what if someone doesn't notice that they do that?
Lizzy: Yeah, I think I don't think everyone is self aware enough or they're trying to put their best foot forward because because they need the Yeah, they're trying to get it. Yeah, I think that's a challenge. It's almost like in a job interview like you're gonna Polish yourself up.
Lissa: Yeah
Lizzy: to try to make this work when we're in reality. It should be like a mutual interview, you know We should try be trying to make sure that this is compatible and people aren't going to be like, oh no I don't pay my rent on time, right? Yeah, i'm a slob who is always late on rent like who's going to admit to that?
Lissa: So We talked a little bit about the Financial cost, obviously, getting roommates helps with finances because of just like rent, rentals, right? For sure. Like, what, oh, I actually don't know, but what is like a one bedroom compared to a two bedroom right now? Like, L. A.
Lizzy: biased, obviously. Um, I have a little bit of awareness.
Lizzy: I think it depends on the neighborhood and then like the type of unit. So I've recently been looking at like high end, like luxury apartments and a one bedroom can be like 2, 500. To 3, 000. To 5, 000. Yeah, to 5, 000. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas a two bedroom, it's like, definitely incrementally smaller. You know, it might be, um, like, four, 3, 600, 4, 000 to 6, 000.
Lizzy: So it's not double, for sure. Okay, it's not double. It's definitely not double. So you can save some money by getting a two bedroom instead of a one bedroom. I think that's the interesting thing and that's kind of the component, is like, it doesn't just double your rent. Right. You definitely have. The cost savings.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Um, which is compelling for sure.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: And then that's kind of the trade off of like, might I want a nicer place? Like some people that really want to live alone, they're like, okay, well maybe I'll get a studio because it's cheaper versus having, uh, a place with more space or more amenities. Yeah. Uh, otherwise.
Lizzy: Okay. So roomed with women or with men? By the numbers, it might be Split because I had two experiences in college. I had two female roommates and then later in my My time in Barcelona, I had four female roommates. So kind of all in one go.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: But I feel like more time in my life, I've lived with guys, either friends or my partners for sure.
Lissa: Alright. Can we talk a little bit about the, I guess the social cost of that, like the dynamic of living with. A guy whether that's related to dating or for them dating
Lizzy: definitely, so, um, I have one particular experience where um, I Moved in with a friend of ours that you know, we went to college with this was I think I was like 27 At the time.
Lizzy: Um, he and his brother had a condo and I moved in I was a third roommate and it was interesting because at the at the time I was You know Talking to one of our other friends from college. So they were like bros. Okay, so you were dating the friend of Who became the guy who became my roommate? So I was dating the friend and I think the the guy I was I was dating kind of felt some type of way about it um He never like really yeah said anything Verbalized that but you know, we had independent relationships.
Lizzy: They were very close and then I was, you know, very close to the guy who became my roommate. And so it wasn't like I, you know, ran it by him. It was like, Oh, I'm moving in with them. Right. And I think he felt some type of way, but that was kind of mild and it didn't last enough to become an issue. But for my roommate, it definitely came up as he was dating.
Lizzy: Um, women did not like that. And ultimately, you know, he ended up getting into a relationship and like, that's why we had to move out. He ended up getting married.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: And. It affected my friendship with him long term. Like we're cool and I'm cool with his wife, but in a specific
Lissa: Yeah
Lizzy: way,
Lissa: but I do think that and maybe it's partially that you were roommates But it could that could also happen if just as friends too.
Lizzy: Definitely,
Lissa: right?
Lizzy: Definitely.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Yeah, so it was an interesting dynamic um, I haven't had I don't think i've had situations where I was like seriously dating someone Long term while I lived with A guy roommate?
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Not that I can think of. Um, so I haven't had to navigate that. What about you?
Lissa: So I don't know if I'm just in my own head.
Lissa: I'm just very like, you know, new age, modern, like, it shouldn't matter, but in hindsight I could see how it probably affected my dating life. Actually, if I look back, there have been a couple of guys I've dated or like I swiped on, uh, you know, swiped right on. Yeah. Yeah. On Tinder who were like, Oh, you live with the guy?
Lissa: Like, nah, that's a no for me. And back then I'd be, I was, I'd get upset about it. Like, come on, like, are you that insecure? Like, you, can you not trust a person or whatever? But if I, like, put on my other hat and, like, try to, like, empathize with that, like, I could also see that, right? Like, whether it is a pride thing of, like, oh, I'm not going to have a girl I'm dating, like, you know, this guy has access to her.
Lissa: Right. But, like, I could understand that. Even though I don't see it like that. You kind of have to understand that different people come from different backgrounds.
Lizzy: That's a no for me.
Lissa: No?
Lizzy: No.
Lissa: Like, it's just an absolute
Lizzy: Yeah, that's bullshit. You trust me or you don't. You're comfortable with it or you don't.
Lissa: Yeah, but we're talking about the beginning stages of dating. Like, someone doesn't know you, so it's one of those filters where they're just like, mm, I'm not even going to bother getting into that, like giving it a shot, because there's already this big flag.
Lizzy: Right. That's fair. I don't have to empathize with it, though.
Lissa: I can still think it's No, no, no. That's what I'm saying.
Lizzy: I can still think it's B. S.
Lissa: I thought it was B. S. at the time, but now in hindsight, I'm just kind of like more open to seeing different people's perspectives and why they would think like that. Yeah. And if we just completely look at it differently That's not compatible.
Lissa: For sure, for sure. And that's a test of compatibility, like, up front. For sure. That makes sense.
Lizzy: Have you had, how has your experience having male roommates been different from your experience having female roommates? Is there a difference?
Lissa: Yeah, oh, absolutely. So the biggest differentiators, I probably have had half and half.
Lissa: I have to look back on the numbers. Yeah. For the And in phases, so early on when I was younger in my 20s, I'd say like my female roommates for the most part wanted to be friends and hang out all the time. And I didn't have a problem with that except for like when it came to be like kind of like almost dependent on each other and don't get to be like do my own thing.
Lissa: Um, whereas women, I'd say that I've lived within the last decade or so in my 30s, there were Like, we're friends, we hang out more, we talk, but there's less of that dependence. So, it's great. It's like a great situation all around. For the guys I've lived with the entire time, doesn't matter our age, age 19, 25, 35, it's always been like, we can chill, drink together, play video games together.
Lissa: Have, throw parties and have fun and it's cool, like that's it, no drama.
Lizzy: You've been really lucky.
Lissa: Yeah, yeah. I feel like I've had great roommates and like I'm friends with the majority of them, but I probably, one in four, probably ended up negatively too, but like, maybe a little less, but the majority are still friends.
Lizzy: And some of you have had long, long term roommates.
Lissa: Right, right. Um, an interesting thing though is like, uh, when I was around 30, 40, Early thirties, I decided I wanted to live alone for once. I knew that it was going to be tough. Cause I had two dogs and like, I'd have, I was paying for a dog walker to help me out when I was at work and things like that.
Lissa: But I decided I wanted to live alone. When I lived alone, I realized a couple of things. One. I missed the connection and like having people to hang out with, and two, I didn't always feel safe. Like, even though I lived in a very nice neighborhood, safe place, big complex, so there was always people around, I sometimes still felt scared like walking into my, like walking the dogs at night and then coming into my place, like is someone going to follow me?
Lissa: And so, so, After that, I had roommates again for the next six years, five, six years, um, partially because I liked the companionship, partially because I liked, um, saving money. For sure. But it was also just feeling safe again.
Lizzy: It makes a lot of sense. I don't know that that has been a particular thing for me.
Lizzy: I've lived alone for a few different periods, and I don't think that there's, Safety was a specific concern, but there was a feeling especially in like one of the places that I lived in where it'd be like At night all alone. I didn't necessarily consider it safety, but it was like Just an awareness and that could borderline on like, Oh, I feel lonely.
Lizzy: Or I like to have even just like that background noise, you know, like we both have a lot of siblings. I have five siblings. I grew up in a house that always had people always had something going on. And like, it was very normal for me. My whole life growing up to, like, the TV's on, there's a game on in the background, and I'm doing my thing, but it's still there, so we're kind of interacting.
Lizzy: Yeah. Even though we're doing our own thing. And I, I definitely miss that at times. Um, especially the second time I lived alone, I was, um, in Orange County, so I was further away, so I definitely didn't have that, like, Pop in, you know, drive five minutes to see you like I did with when you lived alone. I was like damn near your other roommate.
Lizzy: Yeah
Lissa: Do you think there's a stigma for Keeping roommates like longer like later into life in your 30s into your 40s.
Lizzy: Yeah, absolutely
Lissa: still
Lizzy: I think so. I mean, I think it depends on the city that you live in like I feel like in new york city, for example, probably not just because it's You So crazy expensive and it's just almost expected.
Lizzy: Um, and maybe to some extent here in LA. Uh, but yeah, I think there's like a certain sense of judgment. Like people consider it to be kind of arrested development, like your roommates are going to be like your, like your. frat bros or like your, you know, some do some college kid shit. Um, when the reality is it's just a, like a practical decision most of the time.
Lizzy: Um, although I do think I experienced a lot of benefits. I'm pretty independent person anyway, but I think it's worthwhile for people to live alone, to have that experience. Um, and you may not like it if you can afford it, of course. Of course, of course. It's like definitely a privilege to be able to do that.
Lizzy: Um, but it's interesting cause I think some people go from, you know, like living at home amongst their family, living with roommates and then maybe get married or cohabitate and never have that experience of living alone. Um, and. Yeah, maybe that's fine, but I do think you learn a lot about yourself, um, and what you are and aren't comfortable with, and like having to sit with yourself all the time can be challenging, uh, but it can be rewarding and create a lot of growth as well.
Lissa: On the flip side, um, I work with a lot of clients, like, through financial counseling, where some people live, want to live alone to a fault, like, to where it's affecting their finances so much. Like, that is what their one deal breaker, they will not be a roommate. And I'm like, yeah, but you could literally free up a thousand bucks a month.
Lissa: Do it for six months. That six thousand bucks, that's your emergency fund. Right. Right. And so, um, you know, I'm very, I'm, I'm very open to like, Working with people and figuring out what their non negotiables are and what they're willing to give on but sometimes like housing man It's just
Lizzy: It's the biggest cost that we have.
Lizzy: Yeah, absolutely. It's huge That's a really interesting one because I think I'm at that point now.
Lissa: Oh, yeah Cuz you're are you gonna be looking for a place anytime soon?
Lizzy: I'm starting to look so background. I came out of a serious relationship, so I've moved back home around my family. And that's been really rewarding, especially like my grandmother, who's, you know, 87 ish, lives with us.
Lizzy: And I get to spend a lot of time with her, but I'm kind of transitioning, so, um, I will not even consider having a roommate. Like, I Unless they're my partner, I don't want any part of it. I'm going to, I'm going to live alone. Um, but I really enjoyed living alone and I want to have my space. I don't feel like I necessarily need.
Lizzy: That companionship, um, but we'll see. It may feel different this time.
Lissa: Liz is also not scared of anything.
Lizzy: Yeah. No, I don't
Lissa: Oh, there's someone creepy on the corner here, let me get in the car and let me go check it out I'm, like no liz you leave that man alone. Like just stay at home and don't yeah Anyway, so it makes sense.
Lissa: It makes sense. It makes sense.
Lizzy: Yeah, so I think that's interesting I I won't probably won't be You Looking for a roommate. Um,
Lissa: Well I guess, are you giving your answer away already? Well, let's get into it. All right. All right. It's about that time. All right. So, 20 Cents. 20 Cents is the segment of the show where both Lizzy and myself, Lissa, each get 60 seconds to give our two cents on today's topic, which is roommates, and whether we think it is a net positive or a net negative.
Lissa: Where does 20 cents come from? Because you get the opinion of two dimes. Two dimes. Two. Alright, Liz. 60 seconds on the clock. 60 seconds on the clock. Are roommates worth it?
Lizzy: Shit, I'm struggling. Uh, so right now, I have roommates.
Lissa: Mm hmm.
Lizzy: My mom, my dad, our dog, and my grandma. And it is absolutely worth it for me going through a really challenging time and kind of this big transition and having the comfort of my family there. Um, having the presence of people and the companionship, and then additionally getting to spend a really large amount of time with my grandmother who is older, older and won't be with us forever, that said.
Lizzy: This is a temporary period, and going forward, I'm starting to look and kind of create my plan for when I move back out and get a place by myself. So, my take is net negative for me right now, overall, uh, because I really enjoy living by myself.
Lissa: Net negative on roommates for Lizzy.
Lizzy: What you got, girl? You been the roommate queen, since I've known you. Alright, here we go. Almost all our friends have lived with you.
Lissa: Yeah, that's actually interesting. A lot of friends have lived with me. So, I have lived with roommates majority of my adult life, except for a couple of years. I've loved every second of it, because most times they've been friends that I get along with, that it's nice to have people there.
Lissa: I've also made a lot of money. from, from having roommates because for a long time I would, we would rent, you know, from an apartment complex or a landlord. But in the last, I don't know, five to eight years, most of my roommates were me house hacking, which meant I'm the landlord and they're basically me.
Lissa: paying rent to me and helping me pay my mortgage. So I love roommates. But that said, I am in a phase of my life where I'm about to get married. My roommate now is my partner. So I don't know if you consider that roommates. So in terms of roommates outside of the relationship, It is also a net negative.
Lizzy: Woo! Woo!
Lissa: I know, I almost
Lizzy: Barely made it! Barely made it! I don't about roommates. Well,
Lizzy: we didn't talk about your house hacking situation in detail. So, you had to give some context.
Lissa: Net negative. I'm not saying I don't want to live with my partner. I don't count him as like, he's, I don't know, family. He's partner.
Lizzy: He's cohabitating is different. Okay. I think with a partner, it's a little different
Lissa: friend roommates or non partner roommates is a net negative for me. Negative. We're done with it. We're done.
Lizzy: We're done with all that.
Lissa: All right. So remember, this is what we think we're both net negative on roommates right now at this moment in time, but can't nobody make that decision, but you, so what do you think? Are roommates worth it?
Lizzy: Hit us up and let us know what you think. DM us on Instagram at Net Net podcast or email us at hi@netnetpodcast.com. And if you want to follow us individually, here's where you can find us.
Lissa: I'm at wealthforwomenofcolor on TikTok,YouTube, and Instagram.
Lizzy: And you can follow me on Instagram at live_well_lizzy
Lissa: All references, statistics, and resources mentioned can be found in our show notes. This podcast is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only, and should not be constituted as financial advice. Remember to always do your own research, consult a professional as needed, and feel empowered to make your own damn decisions.