In this episode of Net Net Podcast, Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of weddings. Beyond the costs of venues and vendors, they also talk about the social, mental, and emotional costs associated with weddings. What do you think, are weddings worth it?
In this episode of Net Net Podcast, Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of weddings. Beyond the costs of venues and vendors, they also talk about the social, mental, and emotional costs associated with weddings. What do you think, are weddings worth it?
Main Topics
00:00 Introduction and Wedding Costs Overview
01:20 Running The Numbers Segment
02:22 Why Do People Even Care About Weddings
06:42 Personal Wedding Experiences
12:48 The Emotional Costs of Wedding Planning
18:53 Family Politics
25:01 Balancing Wedding Costs and Emotional Stress
28:35 Reflections on Marriage and Divorce
32:13 The Time Spent on Wedding Planning
41:40 20 Cents Segment
References for Statistics
https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-data-insights/real-weddings-study
Lizzy: Yo, Lissa. Yes? If I told you to give 200 of your closest friends and family $300 each, would you do it?
Lissa: Well, I'm kind of a gift giver, so probably, but honestly, I don't think I even have 200 friends. But for real though, that is a lot of money, and apparently, that is the average cost per guest if you're having a wedding.
Lizzy: That is crazy!
Lissa: Are weddings worth it? Let's talk about it.
Lissa: Welcome to Net Net with Lizzy and Lissa, where we analyze hidden costs and empower you to make your own damn decisions in life. Each episode covers a different facet of life. And at the end of each episode, we give our takes on whether something is net positive or net negative.
Lizzy: I'm Lizzy, a strategist and consultant with almost 20 years in finance and investing.
Lissa: And I'm Lissa, an accredited financial counselor and personal finance content creator. We're best friends who talk about money and everything else.
Lizzy: First up, running the numbers on weddings.
Lissa: So, like we mentioned earlier, the nationwide average cost per guest is $305. And the average cost of a reception is $35,000, according to The Knot.
Lizzy: Even that seems kind of low, though.
Lissa: Seems low, right? I guess it depends on where you live.
Lizzy: Yeah, for sure. On average, couples are hiring 14 different vendors for their wedding day.
Lissa: That's a lot.
Lizzy: That's a lot! That's a lot of vendors. Support those small businesses.
Lissa: Now, 89% of couples hire a photographer. Which on average costs $2,900.
Lizzy: And the cake costs an average of $540.
Lissa: I'm just going to go to Sprinkles, right?
Lizzy: Go to Costco. Obviously these numbers vary based on your location and your market, but there are other costs to weddings in addition to the numbers. So let's talk about it.
Lissa: So weddings.
Lizzy: To be clear, we're talking about weddings.
Lissa: Yeah, not the marriage.
Lizzy: Not marriage. That's a whole other conversation and we'll get there.
Lissa: Trust us. We're gonna talk about marriage on another episode for sure.
Lizzy: But specifically weddings, what's the big deal? What's the deal with weddings? Why are they so important? Why do we do this?
Lissa: Well, first and foremost, a celebration.
Lissa: Well, I guess they're marketed as a celebration of love, right? Marketed as a celebration of love. I still believe that that, that is what they are though, because you're there gathering a bunch of people and having a good time. So that is a celebration. Now spending what we spend on weddings becomes the question, like, why would you spend that much on a celebration?
Lizzy: Wedding industrial complex. I think it's to your point about celebrations. It's interesting to think about the evolution of weddings as a kind of legal and, uh, religious. And kind of the association of, you know, a religious ceremony, having all of the trappings of honoring, you know, God or, or, or whatever the ultimate meaning of that is being a holy experience.
Lizzy: And so that, um, you want to wear your best, your, it's a very, uh. respected, reverent joining. Um, and then that has carried over and evolved, uh, to where obviously you can have a secular wedding, it may not have any religious connotation, and yet that, uh, desire to put your best foot forward, look your best, keep up with the Joneses, show has really just grown over time.
Lizzy: And I think it's also become An expression of your identity. It's one of the few moments in, in your life when you're going to have most, if not all of the people that are important to you together in one place. And so it's an opportunity to say, this is what my experience is like. I'm going to curate this for you.
Lizzy: Look how much I put into it. Look how I did it. Look how good I look. There's a lot. And, and people dream about it their whole lives.
Lissa: So what do you think are the other milestones? Comparable to wedding like graduation.
Lizzy: Yeah, but even that it's not you know, I was trying to think as I was saying that like When else do you have?
Lizzy: Everybody there.
Lissa: Like, not even, obviously not birthdays, because that happens once a year. Yeah.
Lizzy: I mean, that's
Lissa: I guess, depending on your culture, right, there's like quinceañeras or debut.
Lizzy: Sure, sure, yeah, that might be, that's a good one. Yeah, quince. Or, you know, bar bat mitzvah.
Lissa: So for a lot of people, it is the, big event of your life.
Lizzy: Of your life, right.
Lizzy: You might have a birthday, but you wouldn't have you know the same breadth of people or uh, you know other big celebrations wouldn't necessarily have the same meaning and symbolism where you're like Oh, well, they're gonna be slighted if I don't invite them to my wedding. I gotta invite all the cousins I gotta invite all the family or every friend, you know
Lissa: Yeah, it's one of those few things that has a timeline to You Well, if you, you know, you can do whatever way you want, but there's a, you send a save the date.
Lizzy: Sure.
Lissa: You send an invitation. There's an RSVP deadline.
Lizzy: There's etiquette.
Lissa: There's etiquette on how you perform the various functions of RSVP. This wedding process.
Lizzy: Which, for someone like me, that I think etiquette is bullshit. Well, I, I think etiquette is an example of a certain subset of the population describing what is acceptable to the whole rest of the population.
Lizzy: Typically, Wealthy white people saying what everyone else is expected to do in order to conform and be considered acceptable so You can ride that line right of do I want to follow this etiquette because it's what's accepted It's what people expect me to do or do I reject that and not want to go that way and and some people reject Weddings the event and then marriage themselves entirely for that reason.
Lissa: Well, you've had a I have.
Lizzy: I, uh, I've had a wedding. I was an unconventional wedding. Um, I, I have shared that, uh, I was married when I was really young, um, under interesting circumstances. It was a real relationship, but we kind of rushed into a wedding. We just did a courthouse wedding. We went to the Santa Barbara courthouse, which is north of LA, which is a stunning, stunning building.
Lizzy: I mean, it is incredibly beautiful. So, you know, it's not like, We were in a, you know, nasty old room or something. Um, but yeah, we just got married by ourselves, which was interesting. I think in hindsight, there was this, for me personally, this feeling of knowing this isn't, Wasn't truly aligned with what I wanted and wanted to do.
Lizzy: So it kind of felt like we were doing it in secret, um, versus telling the whole world about it proudly. Um, and so, you know, that's different, but then we later had a big party with, you know, friends and family. Yeah. You were there.
Lissa: Yeah. Um, so real quick on the party piece, you guys rented out a hall. I remember it.
Lissa: There was food, drinks, dancing. Did you guys pay wedding rates, or was that a, just a regular party rate?
Lizzy: This was cheap, man. Um, I actually don't, I don't remember that, answer to that question specifically. Um, we had it at a rec center. Like, it wasn't some fancy place. It was the, like, community rec center in, uh, Agoura Hills outside of LA.
Lizzy: Which is a, it's a nice building, but it wasn't fancy. It wasn't elaborate. Um, partially because we were young. We were on a budget. Um, My parents gave us 10, 000 for the event, and then I paid some of the costs like, you know, our travel because we were living in Pittsburgh at the time. Um, I paid for my wedding dress and like my shoes and stuff like that.
Lizzy: Um, but the event itself, uh, my parents paid for it. 10, 000 budget.
Lissa: Well, the reason I ask is I'm currently planning my wedding for, uh, About a year from now in 2025 and I had a friend say well You know, why don't you just rent out a space have the celebration don't tell them it's a wedding Right, right because the markup like they the price all of a sudden changes when when you tell them it's a wedding But
Lizzy: I don't even remember.
Lizzy: I do know that we because it wasn't a wedding venue, they didn't have, you know, their caterer, right? It was just a, you rent the space, everything was separate. And the advantage to that in our experience was that you have a lot more flexibility. So I think my cousin DJ'd, they, uh, didn't, We just bought alcohol.
Lizzy: We hired bartenders and bought alcohol at Costco. Um, we hired a separate caterer to just, you know, do big like buffet style food. I made the centerpieces. Like it was, you know, really low key and, and fairly low costs. And I don't rec, I don't regret spending that amount. Obviously I didn't pay for those.
Lizzy: Shout out to my parents. Um, but I don't think that's an unreasonable amount for the experience that we had. Right. Um, but also, Because we had already been married, I don't know, maybe six months or a year by the time we had that, and publicly, you know, married, everyone knew, I didn't feel the need, I didn't take it as seriously.
Lizzy: Yeah. You know, I wasn't all worried about the details. I just wanted it to be fun, and it was. You know, that was, that was my experience. What are you looking at price wise, cost wise, as you're going through this wedding planning experience? Yes.
Lissa: So some of those costs that we mentioned at the beginning of the episode felt low to me, but that's because we're in a higher cost market.
Lissa: We live in Los Angeles and so far for a wedding for anywhere between 150 to 200 people and mind you, I have a really, both of us have really big families. Yeah. The cost that I'm seeing, and this is just for the venue and food, So we're not talking about flowers, cake and all that yet. It's ranging anywhere between 60, 000 and North of six figures.
Lissa: Yeah. So that, that's why that comment where the homie said like, why don't you just not tell them it's a wedding and we'll just do a party because, um, I actually rented out a venue This was in Northern California last year for my mom's 75th birthday. It was over a hundred people. We had tables, all the rounds.
Lissa: We had sound system, played music, played games, had fully catered. I don't think we spent more than 5, 000. All my siblings pitched in. It was a very easy party to do. And you do the same thing, but you say that it's for a wedding and there's a woman wearing a white dress and a man wearing a tuxedo. All of a sudden that becomes, you know, times five, 30, 000 for that.
Lizzy: That's predatory.
Lissa: Yeah. Is it, but is the wedding industry like predatory or are they smart for
Lissa: like, you know what I mean?
Lizzy: I mean it's capitalism. When I say it's predatory, I mean it's capitalism. It is what it, it is what it is. That's what you're navigating. That's what you're going into. These are the circumstances you're dealt.
Lizzy: So then you get to make your own choices. Do you want to have it at a certain type of venue? Where you can get away with that, right? Or maybe they don't necessarily care. Um, but if you want it at a hotel, most likely, or you know, a traditional wedding venue, they're going to be much more prescriptive. This is our caterer.
Lizzy: Like, this is who we use. So, you know, get with it or get lost. Right? And that, those are some of the decisions you have to make when you're navigating that.
Lissa: So, let me explain why I'm doing a wedding. Like, why we want one. Because I, you know, as a financial counselor, as a, you know, 37 year old, who's seen friends get married and some people go into debt for a wedding, like I'm in a good financial position where I don't have to do it.
Lissa: Right. I could go invest, we can go invest that money and be fine, but we talked about it and we really want to do a wedding because it's important to us to celebrate. Us with our families. We're such big family people. So Allan, my fiancé, he was born in Uganda and grew up in the UK, United Kingdom. I was born and raised in California, but I also have family in the Philippines.
Lissa: So our families are spread out, our families and friends are spread out globally, not even just like across the country. And I just can't think of a time when we would be able to bring everyone together, hang out, get to know each other, right? Like his immediate family have met my family, my family and friends and my immediate family has met, you know, certain key people.
Lissa: But if you want to get all of us in a room for a good time, like that just won't happen. It just won't ever happen unless we make it happen right now. I wouldn't go into debt for it, but because we're in a, Decent, strong financial position. We're like, all right. 60, if it's going to be 60K, hopefully it doesn't hit six figures.
Lissa: We're being really selective on who we pick to invite, but you know, we want to do it for that reason. And it's because we know what we value. Do I recommend that for everyone? Probably not. Like there's a lot of, The financial cost alone is not just a financial burden, right? The financial cost, like I said, if it puts you in debt or it strains your finances, that now puts you in other types of strain that sets you back.
Lissa: Mm-Hmm. sets you back financially, but sets you, it affects you with stress
Lizzy: and affects your relationship.
Lissa: Your relationship.
Lizzy: Right? And, and that's actually an interesting, uh, I'm laughing because I know some backstories here. Um, that's an interesting cost to think about in a wedding. Planning a wedding. Oh, yeah.
Lizzy: The stress on a relationship of planning a wedding.
Lissa: I don't think I told you this. So, I guess I have to give some context. So, the last two years of my life, I've been self employed. I moved on from working 9 to 5, strenuous tech job. And in these last two years, I've done a lot of healing. I feel like I'm in a great place mentally.
Lissa: I spend a lot of time in my day taking walks. Thanks. Doing yoga, managing my time, being, doing what I can to be stress free, right? You can't avoid all stress, like it's life, but I do my best to just enjoy life. And with that I've had less, I guess, stress dreams. I used to have a lot of stress dreams. Yeah.
Lissa: Where like, oh, I'm late to work. Hmm. Why am I stressing out about being late to work? Right. That's a whole nother story. I haven't had a stress dream in a really long time. Two weeks ago, I had a dream that was wedding. Wedding related. It. It was a nightmare. . It was like me and Allan. We sent out our invites to all of our friends and family.
Lissa: We handpicked people because there's a capacity to the venue. Sure. And then, because we're planning it so far out, a year in advance. We, we met this couple that we started hanging out with a lot in town in L. A., and they became like our best friends. Like in Your wedding buddies? Our wedding, not wedding buddies, our buddies in L.
Lissa: A. Just another couple that we met, you know, because my fiancé, We moved here a year ago. We're just creating our shared life now, right? He's hanging out with a bunch of my friends, but we're, we're starting to meet people together and make friends. So this, this nightmare, this dream, this nightmare was we started hanging out with this couple, nothing weird, just like friends, like really cool people.
Lissa: And then they were like, all right, well, we don't want to make it awkward, but so are we invited to your wedding or not? And me and Ellen were like, Oh, we don't have any room, like, we're so sorry, like, and so in that nightmare, we've invited these people that, you know, that we care about but maybe aren't as close with, and we can't invite these people that we just met.
Lissa: And like, I'm like, oh my God, of this stress, stress free life I've created, this stress free wedding planning I plan to do over the next year. Subconsciously, there's still elements that are affecting me.
Lizzy: For sure.
Lissa: And I'm like, maybe because it's going to cost a lot of money, but I don't know why else, why would something like that stress me out?
Lizzy: I think, having gone through your guest list with you, line by line, I think there is a social cost of having to make difficult choices, right? The reality is, it costs money. 300 per person, if not more. And it's not realistic to assume you can invite every person that you care about, right? You're a person with a huge family and a lot of friends.
Lizzy: And I know from going through that with you, it takes an emotional toll. You want to be fair. You don't want to disrespect anyone. You never want anyone to feel excluded. And so having to make those difficult decisions is challenging. And I think it's weighing on you because You don't know that they're going to understand, right?
Lizzy: That they're going to not see that as a slight or feel like you feel some type of way. Um, when the reality is you've just found a great place that has limited capacity and You have to make those decisions sometimes,
Lissa: you know, a lot of people are telling me it's your wedding It's your money you guys get to decide who gets to go Just do what you want who cares what other people think and I do agree with that to a degree like yes That is accurate, but you're right Like I I do a little bit care what some of my family's gonna think, you know like I have such a huge family right there'll be some families where it's like My my auntie and uncle And they got like four kids.
Lissa: And each of those four kids has like a long term partner or whatever, right? And I'm like, well, I'm close to two of those siblings, but not the other two. You know, we're family, but like, I haven't talked to them in a year. So can I just invite like one or two, can you pick and choose? That's the hard part
Lissa: for me.
Lizzy: And I don't, I think there's a difference between caring what people think and not wanting to hurt people's feelings. Right. I think those are kind of two different things. One is how are they going to judge you? For that decision and I don't necessarily think you care about being judged. I think you care about Making someone feel bad feel excluded feel like they're the only one who didn't get to go man They invited everyone else and i'm singled out that they didn't invite me I'm, the only person in my family that didn't get invited.
Lizzy: Yeah, so I think that's because you're compassionate and you're an empathetic person.
Lissa: To a fault.
Lizzy: To a fault.
Lissa: I feel bad. I'm about to start crying right now. Bitch, to a fault. Like I'm really gonna start crying right now because it is tough to like, um, you want to take care of yourself first, first and foremost.
Lissa: And it's less about trying to appease everyone, but more that I want this to be joyous and a celebration. Like I want to have a great time. And how can you strategically do that without hurting not a person's feelings?
Lizzy: Right, right. And this is the
Lizzy: emotional cost of planning a wedding. You have to make difficult decisions just logistically practical decisions because you don't have unlimited money.
Lizzy: You don't have unlimited space and The intentions are not to hurt anyone's feelings, to slight anyone, to exclude anyone. It is just the reality, but that takes a toll. Like clearly that's stressing you out. You're concerned about that and Not just because you don't want to hurt them But because it is such a meaningful moment for you to have everyone to come together And if you had the option you'd love to have everyone there because I know you yeah
Lissa: Yeah, you hit it on the nail because It's, for me, I guess, the emotional cost.
Lissa: Of course, the finances come into play, like $300, a guest, is crazy. Like, like you said, like, as you're going through your guest list, and you're considering, uh, yes or no, that's a, that's $300, like, for each person.
Lizzy: Yeah, would I give them three bills right now just because?
Lissa: I know, I said yes at the beginning of the episode, now I'm like, maybe not.
Lizzy: It's an interesting way to think about it, and, and that's tough because it's, it's, It puts a financial value on a relationship, which is not necessarily fair
Lissa: There’s so many priceless elements also of having a wedding in a party,
Lizzy: but the reality is You might not even spend $300 On your own meal or experience to go to dinner with one of these people true So would you spend that for them to come to your event?
Lizzy: Maybe, maybe not.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: And that's just one way to look at it. It's good to have different lenses, right? So that you can kind of Weigh the pros and cons.
Lissa: Well something you just made me think of too just to add on to the financial cost Is the financial I guess burden you put on other people to have to travel flights hotels Gas and just something to wear even right and
Lizzy: For a guest, but also certainly for a wedding party, um, if you've ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman That is not an honor, it is an expense.
Lizzy: And I say this as your, as your main, as your maid of honor. Yeah. Thank God you didn't pick no one else. Can it not be both though? It can be both. Yeah, it can be both. I'm just being. I know I had this one year.
Lizzy: I'm being dramatic.
Lissa: I was like a bridesmaid in two weddings, maybe three. Cleaned out my, cleaned out my bank account.
Lissa: Because I couldn't say no. It was just like–
Lizzy: No, you can't. You're gonna insult that person. And it's not that you don't want to spend that. It's just, the reality is, you have travel, potentially to the wedding. You have a bachelorette or a bachelor party. You might have an engagement party or a bridal shower.
Lizzy: There's multiple occasions where you have travel, potentially hotel. You have, uh, Your outfits, you have hair and makeup. It is, it is a commitment and an undertaking. I'm really glad I'm at your maid of honor, but me too. In other experiences, it's costly, right? And you're putting that on someone. And then certainly as a guest, you have a destination wedding for the majority of your guests or a good portion of them, and that can put them in that difficult position of not wanting to offend you.
Lizzy: Yeah. Because they can't make it or it's just not feasible.
Lissa: I know. Well, that's where you send, like, agents into the field. So my mom was like, she's like, yeah, you know, just invite so and so in our family. Cause like, I want to, but I'm like, are they even going to come? And my mom was like, you know, well, they might feel bad for not going, even though it might put a strain on them.
Lissa: Right. But she was like, but it's okay. Once you send the save the date or the invitation, like, you know, I'll have a, I'll talk with them. And, and if I get the sense that they feel bad. I'll just like reaffirm that it's okay if they don't go. Right. It's not going to hurt anyone. Right. Lissa will still know that, that you, you, that you love them.
Lizzy: Right. Yeah. Which that, it's funny because that also puts you in that delicate dance of like inviting people that you know aren't going to come so that they feel included but that they don't actually count as a guest on your guest list.
Lissa: Yeah, you're right. There are so many emotional costs to wedding planning and having a wedding.
Lissa: Is there a way to, I guess just for my own personal selfish benefit, is there a way to reduce that, that stress or emotional toll?
Lizzy: I mean, I know you and I know how important your family and your friends are to you, so. I don't know that you'll get there because you're going to care. I mean, I think once you have made the decisions and the invites are sent, I think it is what it is.
Lissa: But for someone in general, someone who's planning their wedding, it's a huge financial cost. There's a lot of family elements.
Lizzy: Right. I think with everything, any big decisions like that, that have a lot of stressors, it's always good to set out like your objectives in the beginning, right? You don't really think about doing that with planning a wedding.
Lizzy: What is our objective for this wedding? Is it? To have the most people here as possible to have everyone we love in one place, or is it to have something like extravagant and those are, could be competing objectives based on your budget, right? Or, you know, what is most important to you about this night?
Lizzy: Is it creating the memories? Is it having everyone included? And essentially you're kind of outlining your values for that experience. And then you can check back and judge your decisions. Based on that. And in my opinion, at that point, it's out of your hands. There's all you can do is do your best to align your decision making with your goals and your values.
Lizzy: And then you can live with that because you've, you've done your best, but knowing that in matters of family, in particular, people are always going to have opinions, they're always going to have something to say, just like everything. Sometimes you just, you just got to let it go because the most important thing about the wedding that people forget.
Lizzy: Is that it's about the marriage. Yeah, it's about being in love Having your partner. It's about the couple even more than it's about everybody else
Lissa: yeah, I mean i'm glad you you went that direction because for me I know that Conceptually mentally, but the emotional part is slow to follow sometimes like i'll catch myself like yeah Having that stress dream about it when I know logistically we It's our wedding.
Lissa: It's my and Allan's wedding. We're going to invite the people closest to us who are, who play a role in our lives, who we know are going to be in our lives in the future, but it's like, how do you get those two to, to connect and be like,
Lizzy: Right. One other thing that I've learned as an over thinker and an over empathizer myself is that sometimes by, overthinking how someone will react to something, you're actually stealing their power from them to show you that they actually, that how they would react.
Lizzy: And often it wouldn't be an issue, right? They might, we might worry so much. Oh my gosh, they're going to be so offended. Like they're going to feel so left out. And the reality is they're not even thinking about you. They're relieved. They're like, I don't have another wedding to go to. Or they're just an adult and they're mature and they understand.
Lizzy: That that's not a personal choice. Right? But if we try to enforce our emotions and make that decision for someone, we're doing them a disservice. We're not giving them the opportunity to show us how they really feel.
Lissa: So I have a question. Okay. Let's go. Not to put your stuff on blast, you've mentioned it publicly before, but you've been married once and you've been divorced. So, If you end up getting divorced, do you still think that the wedding was worth it?
Lizzy: That's an interesting question. Um, that's, that kind of stumps me because given my experiences, how much I've changed with the divorce as a catalyst, I feel like that happened to another person. And So I can't really even look back on the photos of it with like positive feelings.
Lizzy: It's not negative. It's just, it's not something I like celebrate in my life. Um, so I don't know that it wasn't worth it because it was worth it at the time and I don't really believe in having regrets. Um, but certainly after divorce, your feelings about it change, you know, and I think that's interesting for guests. I wonder how guests feel about that experience. They were there the first time.
Lissa: And they spent money.
Lizzy: They spent money to come. I mean, I didn't have, I don't think a lot of people spent a lot of money for my situation, but in general, in general, um, yeah, I guarantee guests are like, Man, y'all didn't even last five years or whatever.
Lissa: I spent all this money.
Lizzy: I spent all this money. For what?
Lissa: Yeah. But that's a very mature way to look at it, right? Like in that moment in time, that's what you wanted. That's what you decided. That's what happened. You have pictures of the occasion. You know, that was your person in that phase of your life, those years.
Lissa: Yes, your feelings might change now, right? You look back and like, damn, I spent all that money, I did all this, we have those pictures that I'm never going to put in a frame ever, I might, you know, I might even just throw them away. But the ability to look at that and just acknowledge that that was a part of your life and that was, that was the decision then.
Lissa: All you can do in the future is, you know, next time that, that decision is to be made, you think about it. Am I okay spending this much money, going through this process? Knowing that there could be a possibility.
Lizzy: Right. That it's not gonna Or having, I haven't been married a second time, but I, I got close.
Lizzy: And so, you know, I considered that quite a bit of, alright, a second wedding.
Lissa: Mm hmm.
Lizzy: Right? Do you invite the same people? Like, it kind of takes the, the shine off of it a little bit. You're like, oh, I'm back here again, y'all. Right, Is there an embarrassment with it? For sure. 100%. Like, I've gotten over that a little bit, but 100 percent there is.
Lizzy: Um, and, it changes, if I were to do it again, I wouldn't feel the need to invite some of the people that I invited the first time. Um, Because then it was a little bit more Thinking of the fact that this is this big milestone and what you're supposed to do And now it's more like who do I actually fuck with?
Lizzy: Like who are my people who know me who saw me through that experience? Um, I mean just in general I I care a lot less about other people's opinion than I than I did then um But it is different, right? Like, do you wear white, you know, do you like all these different things, you know, is it, do you make the same types of vows and our, our wedding was very non traditional to begin with.
Lizzy: Um, but yeah, you second guess those things that is it worth it to do a second time is a whole different question.
Lissa: So something we've kind of touched on a lot, but haven't outright spoken about is the The time that you spend, the cost of time in planning a wedding. So I'm kind of lucky that I'm self employed so I can carve out an hour today to like send out my, save the dates and hand write every message.
Lissa: Would you, knowing, you know, knowing the time that it, you spend on planning a wedding, would you spend that much time on it again in the future?
Lizzy: It's hard for me to say right now because you feel a lot differently when you're in love with someone and I am not, you want to do all the things when you're in love with someone and you want to celebrate that you have energy, right?
Lizzy: Because it is a passionate force. Love is very powerful. So I can't really speak to how I would feel in the future. Um, it is significant though. And I think that's important to acknowledge. Um, you know, people will joke about bridezilla, you know, and I think that's Some people really go way too far. But at the same time, if you want to be compassionate, it's a lot of stress.
Lizzy: Right. And it comes from a place of just wanting things to be right. Really caring. You know, a lot of that is just, you just give a shit. That's all. You just want it to be beautiful. You want it to be lovely because you want to honor the love that you have. And you want to honor the people that are there.
Lizzy: giving their time to join you for that experience.
Lissa: It's fun. It's funny because I'm in the process of planning it all. And there's so many logistics, like, All these day to day, not day to day decisions, but all these smaller decisions that go into the bigger thing, they take up your time and your energy, even just deciding.
Lizzy: Mental energy.
Lissa: Yeah, mental energy.
Lizzy: Mm hmm. The, you know, decision making is a big thing, and I, you know, having ADHD, it's a hard thing sometimes to get over, decision overwhelm, or there's so many options, or how, how do I narrow in, I could have any flower, what flower do I want, what colors do we want, what cutlery do we want, what chairs, what, what's the playlist, like, it's.
Lizzy: It's hundreds of decisions and each of those decisions require research, they require consensus. Um, often there's, you know, one person driving it more than the other. Maybe you want the other person to be contributing just as much as you are and they're not. And this is all on top of your day to day life at what is supposed to be celebrating, you know, a great part of your relationship and can actually turn into an incredible stressor.
Lissa: So a decision that we made early on was Do we have a Saturday wedding? So the cost differential between a Saturday wedding and any other day of the week, significant. So, so huge. It's like prime real estate. And we ended up saying yes to Saturday, which like pretty much doubled the cost. Um, we haven't committed yet, but, but why?
Lissa: So the why the big why is. The, the burden of cost, so not all of our family and friends will have to travel internationally for this. Yet and still, I think, I think it's so interesting, I don't, uh, want to shame anyone, but I do think it's interesting when people choose to get married on like a Thursday, saves them a lot of money, maybe it's easier to get a venue because it's available.
Lissa: But it really does force anyone that you want to be there and that wants to be there to use some PTO or to Right, you know like and so Just me being me, like you were saying earlier, to a fault, empathetic to a fault, I'd rather take on that burden, double the, double the price for me and Allan. Yeah, I don't think he knows that.
Lissa: No, he doesn't know that. He was part of the decision. So like double the, double the price for us so that, People can make it a weekend trip and not have to. They don't have that additional inconvenience.
Lizzy: Which is an interesting point because I think the counter argument or the, you know, the other side of it is, well, this is a, you know, once in a lifetime thing for us and Is it too much to ask to, you know, sure it might be less convenient, but is it better than not having it at all?
Lizzy: Right. And I think that's a valid point too. And again, these are things that you weigh for yourself, right? If you have a limited budget or you're constrained and, you know, maybe on a Thursday night, you can invite everyone you want to invite and they can all feel included. Even if it's not ideal.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: That's just a trade off. Right. Right. And everyone's going to make the decision.
Lissa: You know, I had someone ask if we would live stream it and that might be a weird question, like, but not really since the pandemic, I had a lot of friends during the pandemic have to cancel, push, reschedule, or just do virtual weddings, which is kind of, you know, I feel so bad for them because, you know, That was something that they obviously wanted to do.
Lissa: Otherwise, they would have just eloped. But, you know, having gone through that, some of my friends are now, after the fact, having processed it and reflected on it, like, okay, cool. We got to save, like, 50, 000 or whatever it was. But it did open up this, like, notion of what is it, what is it that we're celebrating, right?
Lissa: Because if people want to just watch the livestream so they can watch the vows and the thing. Like, to me I can understand the value in that, but personally, what I care about is the human connection. Right, isn't that interesting? Yeah, the party that happens when we're in the same room.
Lizzy: Right, but for other people, for many people, there's a lot of value in witnessing it.
Lizzy: And I mean, and that can be a religious term, right? This is a vow, or not, or secular, you know, this is a vow, and I want to be witness to this vow. As a form of honoring you, and you know, in some, Some ceremonies, they even ask all the guests to kind of help the couple stay, you know, aligned with their vows and be kind of part of this larger community.
Lizzy: So there's something beautiful to that. But you can do that virtually. Exactly. Right? Yeah. So I think that it's really interesting to look at that and see what is valuable about attending four different people and, you know, the live stream could fill that need of feeling like they're part of it and they witnessed it.
Lizzy: Your commitment.
Lissa: Yeah. I mean like, yeah. Might as well have a Zoom wedding. Then it'll, what's the cost of Zoom? Monthly? . Then you could significantly cut.
Lissa: Cut the costs.
Lizzy: Yeah, just man, you could send everybody DoorDash. Yeah, man. DoorDash. Their own little, uh, little dinner to every single guest.
Lissa: Can we just go back on this? Average cost of a cake being $540.
Lizzy: I'm not a cake person like that. I mean, I'll, don't get me wrong. You will consume some cake. Don't get me wrong. If there is cake, I will eat cake, but I'm not like, I don't crave it. I don't need it. It's not my preference. So to spend that much money on cake, granted, I understand the like craftsmanship and the artistry that can go into making a beautiful cake.
Lissa: But so my question is like, Is it because you specifically want that layered cake that's white and, you know, has the little figurines on top? Because you can get a really good cake that will feed, you know, a whole room of people for like a hundred bucks. Like a big, big, big sheet cake. Sheet cake, yeah. And just slap your picture on it.
Lissa: Yeah, it's the wedding cake. Okay, it's the
Lizzy: wedding cake. Okay. It's the tiered, it's the flowers. It's the slicing of it. It's the slice. Yeah. Right. It's the, the decor and for sure the mark up.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: Right? Which, if you're, you know, if you have like a local bakery or something, that's probably a significant amount of your income.Yeah. So I, I get it.
Lissa: Yeah, I don't mind supporting like local bakeries like that. I think for me it's just like picking and choosing which things you want Spend on, like, you don't have to have the whole average 14 vendors. Right? Like you can, um, skip the flowers. Can you skip flowers? ?
Lizzy: I didn't have flowers.
Lissa: Oh, you didn't
Lizzy: Uhuh. Yeah. I didn't have flowers.
Lissa: It was so long. I couldn't, I couldn't remember.
Lizzy: Yeah. But I mean, yeah. Being, being realistic about what those costs are or do you need a video? And a photographer, right? Like, are you ever going to go back and watch your wedding video? I don't think people really do that.
Lizzy: You know, if you do that, shout us out. I don't think I know anyone who's ever watched their wedding video. Actually, I watched Ashley's, but, but one time, right? Yeah.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: One time. And then like 15 years later, the other people,
Lissa: or is it for the couple?
Lizzy: It's for the couple, but like, I mean, maybe yeah. On your 20th anniversary, you pull it out.
Lissa: Yeah. See in the future, in the future, it's a nice thing to look back on. Okay. I think. I think.
Lizzy: You gotta weigh the cost.
Lissa: Yeah. How much is that? How much does that add? All right, so moving on. 20 cents. 20 cents is the segment of the show where both Lizzy and myself, Lissa, yet 60 seconds to give our 2 cents on today's topic, whether or not it is a net positive or a net negative, where does 20 cents come from?
Lizzy: Because you get the opinion of two dimes.
Lissa: Two dimes, so corny. Alright, Liz, you got 60 seconds on the clock. Are weddings worth it?
Lizzy: This is actually a tough one for me where I'm at personally in my life right now. I don't have a wedding in my foreseeable future. Um, but you know, somewhat recently that was a consideration and I, I probably would have had an actual wedding event.
Lizzy: Um. Without going crazy on the cost, more like, you know, rent a nice house, do it in the backyard, small, you know, but get a taco truck kind of thing. Um, but that's just more my style. I understand the value of them in general for people, um, But I think for me where I'm at right now, I'm gonna say I would take the money and run.
Lissa: And run into an investment.
Lizzy: And run into an investment, run into real estate, run into investing in my business and a nice ass vacation. The honeymoon is definitely worth it.
Lissa: All right, with five seconds to spare you are a net negative.
Lizzy: I'm kind of a net neutral, but I'm gonna go net negative. For this moment,
Lizzy: net negative.
Lizzy: I know there's no net neutral. I'm trying to break the rules.
Lissa: Yeah. Don't break the rules. Net positive or net negative.
Lizzy: All right. What do you think?
Lissa: All right. We all know from this episode, I'm currently planning my wedding. It's going to cost a lot. Huge chunk of change. But the thing is for me and Allan, we had multiple discussions of what it meant to us and why we would consider doing one and why we, we would consider spending that much money.
Lissa: So that's something that I like, hope everyone does like. Don't do it just for the sake of doing it because it's tradition or because your parents want you to or because so and so wants you to. Like at the end of the day, like you said, it is your celebration and you might step on other people's toes for doing it your way, but as long as you do it because it's your way.
Lissa: It's like something you value and you have the financial means for it, then go ahead and do it. Which is for me, that's why it's a net positive for me right now at this moment.
Lizzy: I mean, it'd be weird if you said a net negative right now.
Lissa: That would be weird. Right? Because then I'd have to like cancel the save the dates I just mailed today.
Lizzy: Take those save the dates back. Right? That would have been weird.
Lissa: All right. Well, everyone, remember that this is what we think in our own lives at this moment in time. You should have the agency to make your own decisions. And can't nobody make that decision, but you. Exactly. So what do you think? Are weddings worth it?
Lizzy: Hit us up. Let us know what you think. Let us know if you think the cake is worth it. I want to know about the details. What do you think is worth it in a wedding? If at all. So DM us on Instagram at net net podcast or email us at hi at net net podcast. com. And if you want to follow us individually, here's where you can find us.
Lissa: I am @wealthforwomenofcolor on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram.
Lizzy: I'm at live_well_lizzy on Instagram and TikTok. Hit us up, let us know, are weddings worth it?
Lissa: All references, statistics, and resources mentioned can be found in our show notes. This podcast is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only, and should not be constituted as financial advice.
Lissa: Remember to always do your own research, consult a professional as needed, and feel empowered to make your own damn decisions