Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of changing your name. From surprise fees and bureaucratic headaches to the unexpected social and professional ripple effects, they uncover what really goes into making the switch. Whether you’re thinking about a name change for marriage, divorce, or just for fun, this episode will help you navigate the process with fewer surprises.
Lizzy and Lissa break down the hidden costs – financial and otherwise – of changing your name. From surprise fees and bureaucratic headaches to the unexpected social and professional ripple effects, they uncover what really goes into making the switch. Whether you’re thinking about a name change for marriage, divorce, or just for fun, this episode will help you navigate the process with fewer surprises.
Main Topics
00:00 Introduction
01:25 Running The Numbers Segment
02:55 Our Experiences Changing Our Names
09:47 Challenges and Frustrations
15:30 Why Change Your Name?
20:17 How Your Personal and Professional Identity is Impacted
27:32 Cultural Identity and Last Names
33:18 Legal and Administrative Hurdles
36:57 The Emotional Impact of Changing Names
43:06 20 Cents Segment
References for Statistics
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/09/07/about-eight-in-ten-women-in-opposite-sex-marriages-say-they-took-their-husbands-last-name/
Lissa: ... Lizzy Marie, my co-host. How many times have you changed your name?
Lizzy: This is my third legal name.
Lissa: Oh my gosh.
Lizzy: And I'm sticking with it. That's it.
Lissa: All right, well, is changing your name worth it?
Lizzy: Let's talk about it.
Lissa: Welcome to Net Net with Lizzy and Lissa, where we analyze hidden costs and empower you to make your own damn decisions in life. Each episode covers a different facet of life, and at the end of each episode, we each give our takes on whether we think something is net positive or net negative.
Lizzy: I'm Lizzy, a strategist and consultant with almost 20 years of experience in finance and investing.
Lissa: And I'm Lissa, a personal finance expert and a certified financial planner. We're best friends who talk about money-
Lizzy: And everything else.
Lissa: So in today's episode we are discussing changing your name, which is actually a legal action. However, this episode is for informational and educational purposes, and you should not misconstrue it as financial or legal advice. We are going to share our experiences to help educate you, but you should always consult with a professional for guidance as needed. Is changing your name worth it?
Lizzy: First up, running the numbers on changing your name.
Lissa: According to a Pew Research Center study, 79% of women in opposite sex marriages say that they took their spouse's last name when they got married, while 14% kept their last name, and 5% hyphenated both their name and their spouse's name.
Lizzy: All right, according to the same study, 92% of men in opposite sex marriages kept their last name. Just 5% took their spouse's last name, and less than 1% hyphenated both names.
Lissa: I'm surprised there's even 5% who took-
Lizzy: I know, right?
Lissa: I've never heard of that in my life, in my circles.
Lizzy: I think I can think of one example.
Lissa: Yeah. Interesting. Women with a postgraduate degree are twice as likely to keep their last name as women with a bachelor's degree or less.
Lizzy: Yeah, my degrees have my name on them.
Lissa: I didn't even think about that as a reason.
Lizzy: Yeah, experience experienced it, girl. And women 18 to 49 are twice as likely to keep their name as women over 50. So a big shift.
Lissa: Yeah. Times are changing.
Lizzy: Times are changing.
Lissa: Well, we know there is more to life than numbers and statistics. So let's talk about it. Is changing your name worth it?
Lizzy: Well first, let's talk about the costs of changing your name. And to be clear, you are going through this process right now, or you have been?
Lissa: I officially legally changed my name about two years ago, and the process as it relates to life and changing all the things is still going on. Every day there's something new where I'm affected by it. Every day there's something that comes up, and I'm like, "Ah shit, I got to change that too."
Lizzy: Yep.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: All right. So what are some of those examples?
Lissa: So when you legally change your name, the first... Actually, I mean I don't have a list, but I think the first things you change are your social security card, your name with social security, and then probably DMV, like wherever you do your identification card.
And then from there, financial accounts, because you want to be able to prove that you are the person who owns these financial accounts with your money in it. Then from there, it's like a whole lot of other things like changing your shipping name and address, which is not that big of a deal. There's obviously nuance and stuff.
Lizzy: Passport.
Lissa: Oh, I forgot about passport. Yeah. And so the crazy part is, when you... The crazy part is these don't stay up. Sorry, I just dropped a bunch of fake passports. Anyways, so the crazy part is when you never change your name in your entire life, you stay with the same name your entire life, you don't really think of those things.
Lizzy: Of course, yeah. You don't know-
Lissa: And then when you do change it, you're like, "Wait, where do I actually have to go for this? Is it online? Is it an office? Which department?"
Lizzy: What do I have to show? What documents do I have to prove?
Lissa: Yeah. Is that a federal department? Is that a state department? Is this with the city? There's still certain ones that I haven't figured, like out the deed to my house, does that even matter to change?
Lizzy: Right. Some they're just like it, "Screw it, whatever." And it's interesting there are times that it doesn't really matter.
Lissa: So that's where I'm at. So I am currently going through this. This is the first time in my life I have changed my name, and we'll get into reasons why later. But what about you? What's your journey?
Lizzy: So as I've talked about on previous episodes of the pod, I was married when I was younger, and so I changed my name when I got married. And then when I got divorced, for me, my prior name didn't feel like me anymore, which was an interesting experience. And we'll talk about that, how your name and what people call you relates to your identity, especially in a given phase of your life. Not to mention that my maiden name was Woodhead, which was not the most desirable name, in my opinion. Now I have a sense of pride about it, but when I was younger I got made fun of so much, and I don't know, it's just not a sexy sounding name.
Lissa: Yeah, and because I met you in adulthood, well, in college I wouldn't call it adults-adults. When I met you in college, it didn't occur to me that there was anything to make fun of you about with your name. It just felt like a regular last name.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: But then when you think about kids-
Lizzy: Oh, my God. It was constant.
Lissa: Yeah, who'll find anything.
Lizzy: It was constant. And I didn't understand, like, it was a uniting thing. In our city, or really in LA, all of Los Angeles, I don't think there's another Woodhead family.
Lissa: Oh, interesting.
Lizzy: And now there's a Danny Woodhead, was a football player that was famous, but at the time there was no one. It wasn't a notable name. It was pretty unique. And so it was like every thing-
Lissa: [inaudible 00:06:24].
Lizzy: Elizabeth Butthead, you know. Every play on a boner you could imagine. All the things right?
Lissa: Yeah. Now it makes sense.
Lizzy: But it was distinguishing. So when I was a freshman in high school and my older brother was a senior, people would see me, his friends would see me across campus and go, "Woodhead!" It was just a big, it was a thing, but I didn't love it. So I decided to Legally change my name, which is a different process than changing from a marriage. So this is like, you go to the court and change your name as if you want a completely different name. I could have changed it to anything in the world. So that's a different process. And so what I did is I just made my middle name, which is Marie, my last name.
Lissa: So when we say Lizzie Marie or Elizabeth Marie, that's Liz's name.
Lizzy: That's just my name. That's the whole thing. And that's something I didn't anticipate, which maybe seems obvious now, but everyone thinks my first name is Liz Marie, and so many people will call me Liz Marie, like, as one word. And that's really annoying to me. Even people who... I had a colleague I worked with for two years saw my email signature. He was on my team, I worked with him every day. Still to this day will call me Liz Marie. I've had people dating who for months didn't know my last name, because they thought Liz Marie was my first name, or maybe my first and middle name, like on social media.
Lissa: Right. That's funny. Because it's not standard.
Lizzy: I'd say. Yeah, it's atypical, I don't know that I've certainly never encountered another Marie last name.
Lissa: So when you got married, and when I did, you changed the name legally. And it's a very easy process, because you do it on your marriage certificate.
Lizzy: Your marriage certificate. Yeah.
Lissa: So when you divorce, you're saying there is no way to do it through that.
Lizzy: So when you divorce, you can automatically go back to your prior name-
Lissa: But you can't change to a new name.
Lizzy: But you can't change it to a new name. So I have to... Basically it's like a petition. You go to court, there's a little hearing and you have to, I can't remember the criteria, prove that it's not offensive. There's certain number of things. But yeah, I could have changed my name to Ocho Cinco, or whatever I wanted.
Lissa: So from the basic level, initial financial cost of it, marriage certificate and changing it when you get married, it's easy.
Lizzy: Inherent, yeah.
Lissa: It's part of the process. When you changed it yourself, how much did that end up costing?
Lizzy: I don't remember. I would say a few hundred dollars. Less than a thousand. But yeah, there's definitely a fee for that. But then you think about the cost of a new passport, new licenses, there's other things that start to add up.
Lissa: And even then your social security card, I think it's a small nominal fee.
Lizzy: Exactly.
Lissa: It's still like all these $20 fees add up. But also it's the time.
Lizzy: The time. The time is extensive. Hours and hours. You don't realize the going to the social security office, going to the DMV, and now more things can be done online, I think, but you still have to go.
Lissa: A lot, you still have to go.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: So when I first changed my name, I thought, "Hey, this would be great content." To make an ongoing list of what you got to change, how long it's going to take, where you go to change it. Because I thought, I can make a checklist, like PDF that I could download.
Lizzy: Yeah. Sure, yeah, it's very useful.
Lissa: But it became so many things that I decided, this is not worth my time to track the time that I'm spending, because I glanced at it before we came to record this episode, I saw that 60 to 90 minutes for social security because it was filling out the form, getting the appointment, but then driving to the office, parking there cost $8, and it's just all the things that added up. And then I had to take a break from work to go do that.
Lizzy: Exactly.
Lissa: So I had this list of how long I've waited on hold for the credit card companies to wait, and then they had to mail out a form that you can't fax or you can't scan, they actually mail it at some of these companies, and then you got to mail it back with a copy of your-
Lizzy: With a copy of your... Yeah, you have to have a million copies of whatever document you have, your marriage license or your petition. Your legal declaration of your name change.
Lissa: So all that to say, I tried to track how much time it was going to cost, and I gave up at some point a year ago. Like, a year ago I gave up.
Lizzy: I think the inconvenience and frustration factor is even bigger than the time, for me. Because it's something that feels so simple, and yet it takes all of this time and this process and everything. And obviously there's reasons why. Your name, next to your social security number, has everything attached to it. So there's a reason why, but the frustration factor is just crazy.
Lissa: So one thing that I didn't anticipate after doing the major changes like my driver's license, passport, social security, were things that are more nice to haves but mattered a lot to me. For example, my frequent flyer mile programs. So even though I changed my name on my ID, my Real ID and my passport, there was one time that I was going to travel, and I put my new legal name on my boarding pass, and they said it didn't match my frequent flyer miles account, so I wasn't going to get the miles. So then I, right there, I was like, "No, we got to change this right now," because I am not going to fly this international flight and not get the miles.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: So it was a whole thing. And then I realized from then on out that I had to dig deeper. Because what I was going to do is, all these things that are kind of less important, I was just going to as they come along-
Lizzy: As they come up, yeah.
Lissa: But now I'm like, "No, I got to proactively change some of these."
Lizzy: I think I had that experience too, of just not knowing what I had to change. But as they come up, that is a stressor. You're in the moment and you're like, "Oh my gosh, I am at the airport, I'm rushing, or whatever", and it's stressful. And then you have to make sure you have all the documentation, like on your phone if they'll accept that, or do you need to go print something? It's so frustrating.
Lissa: Everything leads to this rabbit hole, or this long chain of events. So we had decided recently to sell my older car, the Mercedes. It's under my name, and I never changed the title on it when I got married. Because I'm like, "Whatever, it's fully paid off," and I didn't think we were going to sell it anytime soon. And I was like, I could just change the registration later, or if I end up selling it, who's going to know that it's my name? You know, like-
Lizzy: What does it matter?
Lissa: What does it matter if it's still my name?
Lizzy: Yeah. You're selling it anyway.
Lissa: But so Alan went down the path of selling it through an online service.
Lizzy: Oh, and they need to prove-
Lissa: They have to verify. And because it doesn't match my ID, I now have to go to the DMV, and I've been putting off that appointment. And so it's just a chain of events all the time.
Lizzy: It's so many things. I still to this day have a couple... So this is kind of a very specific one. My oldest brother works for Urban Outfitters, their corporate office. And if you know anyone that works for them, you know get very good perks being a friends and family member. So they give you a discount card, you get 25% off, and then a few times a year you get 40% off. Big perks, right? Well, my account still says my original name because that's not something I can change. I need him to go get me a new one. And I've just never bothered, because it's nice that he gave it to me in the first place. So it works online, but in person, you need to show your ID.
Lissa: To show that you're-
Lizzy: So unless I had an old ID, which is multiple names ago. I can't do it online. So I'll have to go and like, "Oh, these are cute, let me go buy them."
Lissa: The workarounds.
Lizzy: It's just stupid.
Lissa: There are stupid workarounds.
Lizzy: It's so stupid.
Lissa: And so we're going to get into it more, but with those stats we gave at the beginning, where it's mostly women changing their names for social, cultural, personal reasons, look at who the burden falls on for this kind of stuff.
Lizzy: Yeah, men have no idea.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: None.
Lissa: Well, 5% of them do. 5% of them.
Lizzy: 5%. Plus one that hyphenate. 6%. Yeah.
Lissa: All right, so 6% understand what it means to change your name. So let's get to the philosophical side. Why change your name?
Lizzy: I think the number one reason is it's just a social norm. That's kind of been what you do throughout history, at least in the Western world. I don't know what all cultures do. And there's a lot of historical reasons for that, tied to women essentially being property. And safety of women, all those things. So I think that's the biggest reason. It's just what you do. There's also an element of, "We are a family unit." Now, why that means you have to take the man's name can be discussed, but you want to match. And that has its own conveniences.
Lissa: Oh, yeah.
Lizzy: So for example, one of my really good friends, her mom never changed her name. And there's just so many examples of them as a parent and a child having mismatched names. Or, I have that with my mom, because she's remarried, where they don't know that that's your parent. There's a lot of assumptions made. You have to prove things. Again, complications. So I think there's that level. And then there's, like, a sense of pride. And that's the interesting thing that I kind of encountered when I got married. And granted, I was young, but I want to match this person. I want to be part of this partnership, and have us be aligned in that way.
Lissa: Right. So interestingly, because of all those reasons you stated, for most of my life, I anticipated that I was going to change my name once I got married. As I got older, it became clear that it was more of the family unit thing. I liked that my maiden name, Prudencio, was that we were the Prudencio family. I liked that. Then I started seeing my sisters change their name because they got married. So it was kind of natural like, "Oh, I'm not going to be a Prudencio anymore either." It was just something I knew was going to happen.
But then sometime in my adulthood, I did consider not changing it. One, so this is actually kind of interesting. When I used to work at Google, I saw what would happen when women got married and changed their names. Even though we're a tech company, we as in we... I don't work there anymore. Even though it's a tech company, we basically had to go through HR, get our names changed, but it wouldn't reflect in every single system. So it was annoying within work systems. And then so that, plus I started seeing more women keep their names. I think that stat is pretty true, the more post-graduate degrees for some reason women want to keep their names. I saw more and more of that, and so it felt more normalized to me that it was okay not to change it. So what actually happened was, before Alan and I got married or before we eloped, I asked him, I was like, "How important is this for you? Because I could go either way."
Lizzy: Sure. Okay, interesting.
Lissa: Yeah, and he was similar. He was like, "I want you to do what you're comfortable with." And then we talked about the pros and cons. And I don't know, I guess I became less tied to my name and identity, that we leaned towards... It wasn't like a black and white decision, but we just leaned towards me changing it.
And so far, minus all of this admin, annoying admin stuff, I think it's already paying off. There's been times where it's been easy to prove we're spouses to get some discount at a store.
Lizzy: Right. There's weird-
Lissa: Yeah, there's weird little things.
Lizzy: ... situations that pop up, where it matters.
Lissa: Right. So that's kind of where I landed, and then that's why I ended up changing it.
Lizzy: Interesting. Okay. I think the point about the family unit is interesting. I think that was less important for me, because I already had a different last name than my mom and my stepdad and my youngest brother. And that was an interesting thing, navigating that growing up at times being like, "Oh, I want to be adopted, and I want to change my last name." So I was already used to being disconnected. And my sister's married and has a different last name. So I think then it was just like, "Well, let me just be totally different and do whatever I want." But yeah, it definitely has some consequences, that brought up so many different things. One of the things that I didn't anticipate at the time, but now is a big consideration for me, is your personal brand.
Lissa: Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's get into this.
Lizzy: So on a small note, when you're talking about changing it at work, because I was at this one company for 10 years, I had to go through both name changes there, which is so embarrassing. It's like, I've had a client I've worked with this whole time and I've obviously changed it because I've gotten married, and then I've obviously changed it again. And that's uncomfortable for me. But it also makes it more difficult to maintain that continuity of like, "Oh, someone I worked with 10 years ago that knew me as Woodhead..." Are they going to-
Lissa: Might not remember.
Lizzy: Yeah, they may not remember me. Are they going to recognize me on LinkedIn with my new name? Or whatever. And so that was a consideration for me. Or something I realized, both because I developed a personal brand identity using my initials of my married name, and I put so much time and effort into it, and I really loved it. And then my last initial was B, and so it was like a play on a bee, and it was something that was blatantly not going to be useful.
Lissa: Yeah, you don't got the bee no more.
Lizzy: I don't have a bee no more.
Lissa: The bee is gone.
Lizzy: And so I was like, "Oh, okay, fuck all that. I guess I have to redo it." But then if you're trying to build an audience, which came for me later, or a reputation, a name for yourself, why would you change your name professionally? And so you see that a lot with celebrities or public figures, where they may not change the name they use professionally, but privately they would, or something like that. So that's something you can navigate, but what has your experience been?
Lissa: Well, that particular thing just brought up... If any of you follow me on YouTube or TikTok or anything like that, you might've noticed recently. I've secretly, I didn't announce it, but I just secretly changed my name from Lissa Prudencio to Lissa Lumutenga. And my goal was to change it eventually on my socials, because I've been building this brand of helping people with their finances for a couple years now, as Lissa Prudencio.
I wouldn't say I'm well known, but within the space, within other creators who know who I am, and who want to collaborate with me, they know Lissa Prudencio.
Lizzy: For sure.
Lissa: The reason I kind of felt forced to change it was I recently got my CFP certification, and because I don't want to get in trouble, because it took so hard to get that certification, I read through all the rules of how you're allowed to use the marks, because it's very specific. They don't want you... I can't even say "I'm a CFP", you have to say I'm a CFP with an approved noun that they have, practitioner professional certificate.
So if you notice, I struggle sometimes when I say, "I'm a CFP professional." I have to say that.
Lizzy: Yeah. Okay.
Lissa: So in terms of branding yourself and putting CFP at the end of your name, I didn't see anything that said I couldn't put Lissa Prudencio comma CFP. But when I thought about it, I was like... There's a directory where you can actually look up people who have certifications. And I'm like, "If people looked me up, they'd think I'm lying." Because "Oh, you're claiming to be a CFP professional, but when I look up in the directory of the CFP board, you're not on it." So just for myself, I decided, all right, it's time. It's my last name, I'm going to change it. I don't even have a huge audience right now yet, so maybe now's a good time to change my brand. But also SEO. I spent years building up my SEO.
Lizzy: I know.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: It's a serious challenge. It's a really big consideration. Honestly, that's probably the number one reason I will never change my name again.
Lissa: Even if you got married?
Lizzy: No.
Lissa: For sure?
Lizzy: Yeah. For sure.
Lissa: What if your future partner really wanted it?
Lizzy: I don't think I would. Or maybe I would privately, but professionally I would still use it. Although that creates complications, like you just described. With my last partner, because you know we were in a long-term relationship. We had discussed an interesting kind of creative solution. So the backstory on this, we were watching some NFL segment on the St. Browns, Amon-Ra St. Brown, and basically their father's last name is Brown, and he named them St. Brown because he said it looked better on a jersey. And we thought that was really funny, really cool. And that was kind of our plan. And I was never going to change it, but I would go by it-
Lissa: Use that.
Lizzy: I would use it. My sister-in does that. She never changed her last name to Woodhead, but she goes by it socially.
Lissa: Right. I think that can work in most instances.
Lizzy: In most instances.
Lissa: In very rare cases like mine, where I feel like, all right, I'm a financial professional and I need to be look-up-able, I don't know the word for that. I need people to be able to-
Lizzy: Yeah. Searchable. Look-up-able? Is that right?
Lissa: Okay, we need to have a compilation of all the words on this-
Lizzy: That you can't think of?
Lissa: Yeah, that I can't think of. Anyway.
Lizzy: But I think that actually works more easily for me, because people always assume Marie is not my last name. So they could just assume I'm going by my middle and my first name. Which the other challenge of that is SEO. So there is another Liz Marie, I think she's an interior designer or something. She has a different last name, but professionally in her brand is Liz Marie. And so from an SEO standpoint, she vastly supersedes me. So that creates challenges of having a common name.
Lissa: Well, what's hilarious is, we could not be more polar opposites. So I'm not going to share my full legal name on this show, but my name, even my nickname, Lissa Lumutenga, I am the only Lissa-with-two-S's Lumutenga on the planet. I guarantee you. Elizabeth Marie is one of many.
Lizzy: It's like classic white girl, first middle name.
Lissa: We couldn't be more opposite.
Lizzy: The amount of people. Yeah.
Lissa: And so interestingly, I also when I was growing up, I wouldn't say I got made fun of for my last name, Prudencio, but because I had such a long name with my middle name included, because I had a Filipino middle name, I got made fun of for how long the name was. And in my head, I was going to marry someone who's going to shorten my name and make it a more common name. And I wouldn't say that that's what I wanted, but that's what I envisioned. Now, when I changed my last name, same number of letters, same number of syllables, the length didn't change. And it's even more unique than what I had previously.
Lizzy: Which, I appreciate that. The things I didn't appreciate when I was younger, I appreciate now.
Lissa: Part of the reason that I also leaned towards taking Alan's name is because it's an interesting family history. I'm going to need to ask his parents, because the way Alan tells me the story, it kind of changes every time. But basically the way that they... They're from Uganda, and so the way that they choose last names is, there's a traditional way to do it.
Lizzy: Oh, interesting. Okay.
Lissa: And so somewhere on his lineage, I don't know if it was his dad or grandpa, picked the name. Like, you name yourself based on your tribe. So it's not really a pass down. I don't know how it works. And so there's a unique, there's significance with it, and they are the only, as far as we know, Lumutengas in the world. So it's a very unique last name.
Lizzy: That's cool. Yeah.
Lissa: So it has a cool story behind it.
Lizzy: That brings up another kind of potential cost or question around your cultural identity.
Lissa: Oh, yeah.
Lizzy: Because you had a Filipino last name, which is also-
Lissa: Spanish.
Lizzy: ... a Spanish last name. And now you have a Ugandan last name. Does that make you feel different?
Lissa: Not at all.
Lizzy: Okay.
Lissa: I think when I was younger, we used to think it was cool that... Like, a lot of us Filipinos have a Spanish-influenced last name. And for some reason we thought it was cool, until we learned about colonization.
Lizzy: Colonization.
Lissa: And then I wouldn't say we hate our last names, but it's like this weird mix of feelings that you get when you understand why. So that was always interesting to me.
Lizzy: I think that was the same for my ex, among other reasons of, this is a slave master name, essentially, at the end of the day. I had kind of an opposite experience having a very white last name. The origins I think are Welsh or some kind of British. And then when I was married, I had a West African last name, and it felt like my identity while we were together. And then we divorced and my initial intention was like, "I just don't want to deal with this again. I'm going to keep it." So I didn't change it right away, but then everyone would be like, "Oh, that's a unique last name, what is it?" And I'd say, "Oh, it's from Cameroon." And there was just this weird disconnect, and I felt like I had to explain so much-
Lissa: Yeah. "But we're not together anymore."
Lizzy: But we're divorced. Oh, we have my ex-husband, and I was young, so that was even more weird. Or if I was going to date again and having to explain that. So it just was-
Lissa: So how long did you wait until you decided, "I got to change this"?
Lizzy: I don't remember exactly. I'm trying to think. So I think it was probably a year between when I filed for divorce, so I don't remember when it was finalized, and then when my name changed was official. So not a really long time, but there was a gap in there-
Lissa: Yeah, there was a transition.
Lizzy: ... where I was going to keep it. Okay. Another stupid cost is, my Gmail was my first and last name.
Lissa: Oh, yeah.
Lizzy: And so then I made a new Gmail that was my first and last name, and then a new Gmail that was my first and last name. And that's something, your email is everywhere. You use it for everything. So annoying.
Lissa: So that reminds me to give more detail on my story earlier about when I worked at Google. Part of that was the issue was people usually chose, or they usually assigned you first name dot last name at Google.com. Luckily when I got hired, it was so long ago that they let me pick, and I just put my first name.
Lizzy: Oh, wow. That's a big save. Yeah.
Lissa: Yeah. So that was rare back then. Like, if you wanted to email one of the CEOs or top people at the company, you just put their first name at Google.com. I had that, too. And so-
Lizzy: That's cool.
Lissa: But for everyone else, similar thing. And they couldn't change their Gmail.
Lizzy: Yeah, you just have to make a new one.
Lissa: You just have to... No, they would have to use the old one. So it didn't match their, so the email address didn't match your name in it.
Lizzy: So annoying.
Lissa: So it would maybe confuse people.
Lizzy: Yeah, so annoying. I didn't have that problem fortunately, professionally. Because we were just first name at, which would've been even worse than every past contact. It's awful. So awful.
Lissa: So interestingly, I've changed my name on all socials secretly, like I told you, except for LinkedIn. I haven't done that one yet.
Lizzy: Oh.
Lissa: I don't know why. I feel like, I don't know. It's my professional side.
Lizzy: Yeah, that is interesting.
Lissa: It feels like the biggest change to me.
Lizzy: Yeah.
Lissa: Oh, and Facebook. But I don't really use Facebook like that. Yeah, it's weird. It's like now I'm just all sorts of different people on different platforms.
Lizzy: Yeah. So that's an interesting thing that comes up for me. Anytime I have to do a credit check-
Lissa: Oh, yeah.
Lizzy: ... it's like, "Do you have any prior last names?" I got a whole long list, which also creates some interesting things to explain. Or back to the point about professionally, I was recently reconnected with someone I had worked with back in 2008, and I was like, "Hey, I don't know if you remember me, this was a few names ago."
Lissa: At least you could joke about it.
Lizzy: I can joke about it at this point, with some people. That was with a woman, so it's a little easier. With a man it's a little more awkward.
Lissa: So something I didn't know, and I guess it makes sense, is I saw this on the social security administration website, they actually limit the number of replacement social security cards you can receive to three per calendar year, and 10 in a lifetime. With the exception that cards issued to reflect changes in your legal name, don't count towards those limits. So it's unrelated. So basically my question, and I was trying to dig further was, does that mean you can change your name unlimited times?
Lizzy: I think so.
Lissa: Yeah?
Lizzy: I don't think there's a limit to it.
Lissa: So what would a court say? Because you had to file a petition. What do they ask you?
Lizzy: I honestly don't totally remember. You're in there with a bunch. It's all name changers. So there were some interesting ones, right? Some that were, like, some maybe they're like transgender, so they're legally changing their identity. Or they just didn't like their name. But some were quirky. Like, this is LA, so there were some weird ones. Or for-
Lissa: Safety reasons?
Lizzy: Maybe. But for entertainment, they're going by a stage name. I think, I can't remember. I'm sure every state is different. I think it's a state by state situation, but I feel like the criteria are basically that it can't be something that's offensive. And I actually think you can technically make it a one word. I heard recently that Cher's legal name is Cher.
Lissa: A mononym.
Lizzy: Yeah. A mononym. I think if you're going to do that, you have to justify and explain that people will know you. So Beyonce could do that, probably.
Lissa: Right.
Lizzy: Yeah. There might be a few criteria, but I don't think they ask you a lot. They confirm that this is the name you want, this is the spelling you want and whatever, and then approve it, essentially. It's pretty quick.
Lissa: I guess it's good they do all those checks, because that makes sense. You don't want people just always changing their name, because they got in trouble and then they're trying to hide.
Lizzy: Well, yeah, that's the biggest thing is making sure that there's not identity theft and that you're not-
Lissa: There's not a warrant out for their arrest.
Lizzy: Exactly, exactly. Yeah, that you're not trying to disguise your identity.
Lissa: When I saw that, I was like, "Oh, I didn't know there's a limit to..." Obviously if you lose your social security card, you got to get a new one. But I didn't think of that. And then I saw that note on there that was like, "Oh, but if you change your name, it doesn't count towards your limit."
Lizzy: So cool. That's funny though. They're like, "All right, you can lose this 10 times, but then you're out of luck." That's as irresponsible as you can be.
Lissa: But if you change your name, then you can replace it. Is that a loophole?
Lizzy: You get a new one. Yeah. Okay. That reminds me of another. So I have a stack of old licenses, but the one that bothers me is my old passport.
Lissa: Oh, your stamps?
Lizzy: Yeah. Yeah, my stamps. So now I have three passports with different stamps in them, and obviously they expire anyway eventually, but yeah. And they have to put... They punch a hole through them, through your passport, and through your license to make sure you can't use them again.
Lissa: I'm hoping I never changed my name ever again in my life. And so when I got my new passport, I got the thick one with more pages, which probably won't get used up, because nowadays, most places don't do a stamp. It's all digital.
Lizzy: I know. I love the stamps though.
Lissa: All right. I guess we've talked more about the annoyances of changing your name. Should we go back to a little-
Lizzy: Some benefits?
Lissa: Benefits?
Lizzy: I mean, if you have a name you don't like-
Lissa: Oh, yeah.
Lizzy: It can be a fresh start. I am curious how you feel, now that you've kind of sat with this name for a while, although you haven't been going by it this whole time. It definitely felt different to me with a different name, which was something I didn't expect. The way it connects to your identity or how you view yourself, and in some ways, it's almost a clean slate. Like, all right, "Who's this person now? And how do I want to represent myself as this name?" Which is kind of interesting.
Lissa: I think it's too early for me to tell how it's going to make me feel in terms of my identity. It is tough because Lissa Prudencio is who I was for so long, that until I really start saying Lissa Lumutenga, even introducing myself in my YouTube videos, I actually in the last couple of videos switched to just saying, I'm Lissa. I don't even say my last name, because I'm in a transition phase. I think at some point I'll be out of this transition phase, and it'll just be normal. The upside is I kept my... So something that we do in our family, I think it's kind of in our culture too, is you move your last name to your middle name and then drop whatever your middle name was prior. So that's a family tradition of mine, and so I stuck with it and kept that. So Prudencio is still technically part of my name.
Lizzy: And you didn't like your middle name?
Lissa: No, I liked my middle name.
Lizzy: Oh, I thought you didn't.
Lissa: No, it's just that it was long, and I got made fun of for it.
Lizzy: Oh, got it.
Lissa: Yeah. It was a cool name.
Lizzy: It is a cool name.
Lissa: It translates to "Scary" in Tagalog. So yeah, I liked it. It was just one of those long names that as a kid you get made fun of.
Lizzy: Got it, got it, got it. Okay.
Lissa: Yeah.
Lizzy: That is a tradition, though, and I think in a wide range of cultures. I basically did the same thing when I first got married, but then my name was just so long. Yeah.
Lissa: All right.
Lizzy: Okay. Any other benefits that you can think of? Closeness?
Lissa: Oh yeah, feeling close.
Lizzy: Feeling close With your partner, feeling close with your new family, in that kind of being united in that way.
Lissa: It really depends if you view that as a value of family. Because there'll be some people out there listening like, "No, I don't care. We're still family, we're still close, we're still a unit. I don't need to have the same name."
Lizzy: Yeah. For sure.
Lissa: And then there's others who, it means something. So it can go either way. I will say though, I do have colleagues, friends that have postgraduate degrees who have very successful careers, and who not only didn't change their name but are very proud of it, of not adhering to this what's often referred to as a patriarchal system, and standing their ground. So I can understand all sides to it.
Lizzy: Yeah. I have just, on that note of interesting examples, so one of my best friends is a doctor and spent 15 years in school. And so professionally, I believe she still goes by her maiden name. Although her kids, I think legally she's hyphenated, and her kids have a hyphenated last name.
Lissa: Got it.
Lizzy: I also have, so my brother and his wife both kept their names but hyphenated for their kids. So you'll see that, and that kind of eliminates some of those challenges. And then I have a friend who they combined their names, so he changed his name as well. I can't remember his full last name, but it started with Van and hers was McGregor, and so they became the Van Gregors. And I thought that was cool.
Lissa: That's cool. Except now both of them got to go through the whole rigamarole.
Lizzy: But it didn't put it all on her, and it was a very-
Lissa: Equitable.
Lizzy: ... equitable situation. Yeah.
Lissa: So that's interesting. One, I'll say downside of the hyphenation, depending on what the names are, is I've always had a long last name, so I've always struggled. There are still some outdated systems out there that you can't write your full last name, you can't type it in.
Lizzy: Yeah, or you can't hyphen.
Lissa: Yeah. Or you can't put a hyphen or a special character or symbol. So it makes, I don't know, applying for things annoying.
Lizzy: Stupid.
Lissa: Stupid. Obviously it makes sense in the systems that we have that you can't let everyone have a name that has, like, 302 characters.
Lizzy: Right. There has to be some guidelines.
Lissa: There's got to be guidelines, but right now, I feel like there's a lot of outdated systems.
Lizzy: Did you change your signature?
Lissa: No, because my signature over the years has gotten to be a scribble, and because it's a scribble, you can't tell what the scribble says. In my mind, the scribble is the same. In my mind, Prudencio on Lumutenga looked the exact same in cursive, because it's just, "Blah."
Lizzy: That's funny.
Lissa: I will say, writing my initials when you have to initial something on a contract, that is weirder because I'm so used to putting LP. But LL is very easy to write, so it's cool, it's fine.
Lizzy: I, through this process, have moved to basically just initialing for everything. Occasionally I'll write my full name, but usually if I sign, I just initial.
Lissa: Yeah. All right. 20 cents.
Lizzy: 20 cents.
Lissa: 20 cents is the segment of the show where both Lizzie and myself, Lissa, each get 60 seconds to give our two cents on today's topic, whether it is a net positive or a net negative. Where does 20 cents come from?
Lizzy: You get the opinion of two dimes.
Lissa: You already know what Liz is going to say, but you got 60 seconds on the clock. Is changing your name worth it?
Lizzy: Okay. So I have established that I will never change my name again. That said, I'm very happy with where I have landed, and I think I'm glad that I did change my name, even though now I feel more connected to my maiden name than I ever have, and I don't mind it the way that I did when I was younger. I like having a unique name that no one else has, so I'm actually going to say yes, in that sense.
Lissa: Interesting.
Lizzy: Because it created this unique identity for me. But no, in the sense that I would never change it ever again.
Lissa: So does that translate to a-
Lizzy: I'm net positive. I'll say positive.
Lissa: A net positive. Okay. All right. I was wrong. That went a different than I thought.
Lizzy: Yeah, I didn't know where I was going either. It was off top of the dome.
Lissa: All right, all right.
Lizzy: All right, Lissa. 60 seconds.
Lissa: For me, I'm in the process of changing my name on all the things, but I've officially changed it legally. I'm happy I did it. I think I won't plan to ever do it again, with very small exceptions. Alan, close your ears if you're listening to this. If something were to happen and I had to remarry, or something else happened in the future and that person didn't want to take, didn't want my last name, then that'd be the only reason I'd change it. Other than that, I don't plan to ever change it again. I don't like it. I don't like this process. It's very annoying to me. So keep the nuance that I'm happy I did it and I do feel like a unit with my partner. But moving forward, net negative.
Lizzy: All right.
Lissa: Yeah. Does that make sense?
Lizzy: Yeah, it does. It is the same rationale that I had, but opposite.
Lissa: The opposite.
Lizzy: Opposite decision.
Lissa: Exactly.
Lizzy: All right. All right.
Lissa: Well this is what we think right now at this moment in time, but no one can make that decision but you. Is changing your name worth it?
Lizzy: Hit us up. Let us know what you think. DM us on Instagram at Net Net Podcast or email us at hi at Net Net Podcast dot com. And if you want to follow us individually, here's where you can find us.
Lissa: I'm at Wealth for Women of Color on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram.
Lizzy: And I'm at Live underscore Well underscore Lizzie on Instagram and TikTok.
Lissa: All references, statistics and resources mentioned can be found in our show notes. This podcast is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only, and should not be constituted as financial advice. Remember to always do your own research, consult a professional as needed, and feel empowered to make your own damn decisions.